Washing To Remove Dirt

I know that it has been a while since you all have heard from me, but I wanted to share with you today. 

I am in school and have not been able to blog as much as I would like to, but I am still here in the background. 

As I looked back at some of Amy and Robbie's Israel pictures I came upon this one and was reminded of some things that God shared with me through a time of fasting and seeking Him. 

What water are we drinking?  Where are we getting it from?  Is it filling us?  What well are we drinking from? 

God can be the water for our soul.  If we drink from Him, we are filled. 

His water will fill us, wash us, and change us. 

I was putting a load of clothes in the washing machine and as I put them in, I felt that God was using the whole washing process to speak to me. 

These were some of the thoughts that came to me...

we can put the clothes in the washing machine and they will stay dirty UNTIL we do something...

if we put the soap on them, it will just sit there UNTIL we do something...
we can turn on the water and not put any soap in and yes, they may get "washed" but will all of the dirt come out?  Not UNTIL we do something.  
We must TURN IT ON.
The washing process is just that...a process. 
We must take the clothes, put the soap in the water, let the clothes soak, spin, drain, be rinsed, spin some more, and in the end come out cleaner than they were when we put them in.
I was at a "washing machine process" time in my life.  I needed for God to pour into me, and then I needed to soak in His presence for a while so that the stains that were deep down could be cleansed and removed.  There are times that we are pulled and yanked around, and God will allow certain things to occur during certain times in our walk to help strengthen us.  "God only gives you what he knows you can handle. So if life seems hard, remember that God knows you are strong enough to get through it." I heard this catch on that phrase that we seem to use so often and I loved it. God does know what we can get through. He knows how much He can allow in our lives before we blow. And He knows already how we will respond.


We are not meant to stay the same...we are to change to become more like Him.  I asked God during this time to cleanse me, to wash me with His water, to pour into me and to let me soak for awhile.  To get all of the stains out, stains that needed to go through the "agitation process" to be removed.  And it wasn't all comfortable.  BUT when I was done, or should I say, WHEN I am done (because I want to constantly be in the washing process with Him...allowing Him to reveal things that need to be removed and then going through the process of removing them) I will come out clean...whiter than snow.
Let's ask Him to put us in the washing machine, dirt and all, stains and filth, and bring to the surface the things that need to be removed, and then ask Him to reveal how to get these things out...some of us need the bleach to get some of the stains out and THAT IS OKAY...God can cleanse us, He can reveal the dirt and remove it and make you spotless. 
Don't you love what starch white feels and looks like?  We may never truly be starch white, but we could strive to be and that is what changes us.


I have missed blogging and sharing with you all.  May God continue to show up on this blog and through it spark new ideas, new life, and new growth in all of us. 


God bless you all...


Jennifer

sixteen.........................

This is the perfect picture of the twenty-first century "live in the moment," face..........................Sixteen Candles................Where is the Joy?...........We are struggling to fight the good fight of faith because we have lost our Joy in a generation that wants it their way and wants it fast..............Having Joy gives us strength......I keep telling myself to breath.....the Nana has driven up for this mile stone......the love child the one I birthed from the passion.....oh where did I go wrong? I start out so good with the devotion thing....then its the pushing....of the words.......the ones where the voices elevate and the tears stream like rivers running wild......the eyes become blood shot...........from the fuming flames of fire......the rage........How can I tell this woman-child about God when I can't even purge....purge the untamed wildness that comes forth and pushes its way out; while I am screaming no.......give me more of the easy........

We are merely pushing......pushing forward in this race we call "Life".............rushing......rushing to grow up and grab a hand full of "LIFE," that leads to emptiness...........I hang my head down low and sink.........but I am the parent and she the child.....why do I buy into the game......the game I never really wanted to play.......it is a choice....freewill we are taught....is it my choice to see and watch the joyless teen....one who says, "I hate my life."

Happiness is circumstantial........but "JOY," cometh from the Lord................These women-children have turned the corner but do they get it? Do we truly get it? Or is it a lesson that a wise old man taught us:

Sadhu Sundar Singh, an 20th Century Indian missionary, wrote:

"A silkworm was struggling out of the cocoon and an ignorant man saw it battling as if in pain, so he went and helped it to get free, but very soon after it fluttered and DIED. The other silkworms that struggled out without help suffered, but they came out into full life and beauty, with wings made strong for flight by their battle for fresh existence."

Life can be a struggle. But maybe it is God who sometimes allows the struggle with suffering because He knows we will come out full......full of life and beauty......strong and ready..........ready for the battle that is ahead................

It is hard to watch your own struggle for their place in this world....sometimes the best lesson is the one learned.

all of grace,

Robbie

We are the free......

Breath in the prayers............exhale the grace of mercy.

 When your heart beats the name of Jesus you forget about yourself. 

Let the dead in Christ teach us how to live.....

What is your rhythm in this life?   We are lacking an overwhelming need for God. We have become comfortable with God.

We are the free.  Free to have the good book, so why is the greatest sin in the church  PRAYLESSNESS........is it that

we the free are living in bondage?

We need prayer the grieving kind where God knows our heart where we lay it down for Him.

Prayer is for us to get beyond our obsession with the muchness and the manyness.  In a world that is broken how can the world change if we don't surrender to our knees?

Prayer can and does affect things around the world.  This world is being shaken  hard,  even the breath is the breathing in of pain.   The world keeps turning and the world keeps aching.

We have become comfortable with God.  Because we are the free.  Life is not one big party,  it is warfare.  We are supposed to fight the good fight.  We need the surrendering, the kind of surrendering on our knees so the Kingdom of God can manifest itself.  (Thy kingdom come thy will be done)

conversatio morum = means death to self; and change,  the positive kind.......where the conversion of the heart takes place so that the heart does pump......pump us pure full of Grace.  The full of Grace where you lose yourself.  The laying aside of the earthly treasures.  The kind of prayers that drive you to your knees. The ones that scream out...."more please," "more of you God."     The rhythm,  the rhythm of our breath becomes our  prayers and as we exhale, we exhale the Grace of Mercy.  This rhythm brings us to a fork in the road.  One where you can fall in love, fall madly in love with God and let yourself go,  or one where you can travel down that path that leads to self..... self that desires the earthly pleasures. The path that fills you with your desires of the feel good.  Which will it be?  What will God find when he returns? One who is luke warm? Or one that is in love? Or God forgive us one who is COLD?

It is not of good works, lest any man should boast.

True whole prayer is nothing but love....St. Augustine

all of grace,

Robbie

His Last Day on Earth

It is hard to explain the feeling I felt when I had learned that one of our patients had died that night. I have over the years built a wall around my emotions towards illness and death- I guess as a way to protect my sanity. I'll take you back a few days to explain that this man was different, this would change me.
It was a busy day as usual in the CCU. One of our nurses asked if I would pull a sheath for her. I agreed. I gathered the necessary items needed for this. This procedure usually takes about 20-30 minutes. To avoid an uncomfortable silence, I made small talk. Well that small talk was huge. I started with the usual, " Are you OK?". He begin to tell me that whatever happened, he knew that it was in  God's hands. I agreed that once  he laid his illness/disease at the foot of the cross, it was out of his control. He begin to quote scripture after scripture the whole time. Tears were rolling down my face and his. I told him that I was wiping snot on my sleeves, and that if I moved my hand from his artery, to wipe my nose and eyes, that he would bleed a lot. He didnt even stop talking, just give me more of Jesus. His family walked in during the conversation, and his wife and mom started crying. I had let my guard down. I felt weak. He had told me that before I left his room, that God had sent me to him. That I was an angel. I quickly corrected him, stating that I was often the devil, especially at home. He then corrected me and said that I was wrong. As I promised him that I would be back tomorrow, I felt he starring through me. Almost as if his spirit was looking at mine.  I cant explain it. Almost a feeling that was not from this world. A Peace. A Hope.
The next day was extremely busy, and that peace was not with me. I was surrounded by complaining people. I avoided his room the whole day. But at the end of the day, I saw that he was transferring to another room, a stepdown room. I felt and almost was forced to go into his room. He was up in the chair. I looked at him and his family. He had a silly grin and never said a word. I told him that he would be fine, that God was in control and he would take care of him. His wife said that she would keep  me updated with his condition. But he never said another word to me. I felt like I had let him down. Just the day before we had so much fun talking about Jesus. What had happened? The next morning I was getting report. The night nurse told me of an rapid response, When an ICU nurse assists the floor nurse with an emergency. She went on to explain that the rapid reponse turned into a code and that it was a patient that we had just the day before. When I was told a little bit more, I knew who it was. It was him. His wife had told the doctors that 24 hours before he died, he talked about Jesus non stop. That he just recited scriptures over and over. His wife knew that he was starting his transititon to Holy Ground. I still feel guilty that I didnt go in his room and sit with him. He saw in me something that I dont understand. I think he saw Jesus in me. I want to think that Jesus used me that day. I hope so.
My prayer today is that God uses me to build his kingdom. That I would disappear, so that he would be exhaulted on high.
Make a difference today.
Amy

Friday Night..................the unexpected

In the quiet and still of the morning the phone call knocks the breath right out of me.......................

The cross that gives and takes away...................

My girls when they were little............the time that want stand still...........

A best friend...........(the blond my oldest)...................

My middle child...............how time changes everything................

     At the 1:30am the phone rings.............I sit straight up....... the ringing continues..........I wipe the eyes that are blurry......I answer my heart pounding right out of me............. the screaming from the other side can barely make it out..............then something inside of me says breath child............breath......knowing its the breathing in of pain that gets us....................and then it hits me........................she is on my front porch....................I jump up and start the running.........it feels like I can't get there............I am moving in slow motion...............all the while I am praying................no God no........more of the easy...............just the easy.............I can't get the locks to undo and I realize it is me the taker the one who craves the easy that has  completely come undone.........

I open the door and pull her inside at the same time catching her before she collapses...........the best friend........thanking God that all mine are here in the upstairs sleeping...........the wailing the deepest kind..........the pain that engulfs.............

a 16 boy in my daughter's class......a baseball player......................loss control of his car............the innocent kind...........the pain that no mom should bear......................just a few miles from my house .................the over-turned kind........ the man-child that got out and walked before collapsing in a neighbors yard.....................the breath leaving him............the high-school that will never be the same.................

What does it mean? To live fully?

How? How do I explain to teens that He is a good God?

What do I say when they ask me where was God?

the best friend ..................not sure of the God thing..........but has chose to come on Thursday nights..............the woman-child........... who has lost a friend unable to breath......... the pain................... how do we wake up to the joy and the beauty in this life when a police officer is on the front porch of a neighbor telling her that her son will never come home again......................the emptying again.................the crushing ache of the pain that forces us to move on................................how?

I don't sleep the rest of the night............I lay there listening to my own breathing................fear rushes over me....................I go numb..........................a parent..............a child.......................why have I been so spared.......................me who craves the easy and when I pray it's all about the me.........and my own........in my safe little middle-class life style.................throwing the prayers at God like He some kind of dart board......................my eyes that are blinded always focused on the me..............and mine........................

We the church are supposed to be the light of the world.......................but yet we are covered up with materialism.............. the false doctrine.............the feel good kind............

we go through life and pretend that it is what it is.........................................we think if it isn't happening right under our roof then we can continue to live the counterfeit life.........

Satan doesn't care how many bible studies I teach.......................or how many spiritual retreats I attend.......if it keeps me on that spiritual treadmill to nowhere................running in place................wanting the look good on the outside......and the feel good on the inside.................

.it's the time.............time to stop the whining.........it is not all about me........there are people the dying kind..........that do not know our King.................

we sit in the dark....................we breath in the pain......................................the both of us trying.................trying to exhale.........................and I whisper to the woman-child..............go upstairs and sleep...................................tomorrow will bring forth change...................the surrendering kind.............where the knees are bowed the  low......................and all I can hear within my soul is a whisper ever so gently saying:

     27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.   ( John 14:27)



quietyly thanking God;
for a chance to start over
for His grace and mercy
simplicity
teenagers that slam the front door
the Cross
the blood that covers sin
grateful that His ways are not our ways..........

Weekends are for love.........................

Take a hold of God's gracious gift this weekend.................LOVE.......The power of His love will include us if we just simply let go and take hold........................

May all your wanderings this weekend be one of Love..........................

Beloved............let us love one another..............for love is from God....................and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God............................1 John 4:7

There is no fear in love.........................but perfect love casts out fear............1 John 4:18
all of grace,
Robbie

MARANATHA.....................

Paul tells us in Romans.......8:17-23......"I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

The cry of the universe should be "MARANATHA........" which means........................."OUR LORD, COME!!!......................come quickly Lord Jesus come................

This word is of Aramaic orgin....and it occurs only once in the Bible.................Paul includes it in his climactic conclusion to his first letter to the Corinthian Church...............(1 Corinthians 16:22).....

"The Maranatha Group"...............................The teen bible study I started a couple of weeks ago and they named themselves the "The Maranatha Group"...................

Every Thursday at 6pm a group of high school girls come and empty themselves of the world.........they read the scripture together and we pray for the strength to sustain them through the weekend..............the weekend of the hard choices...............the choices to not drink of this world...........................and to avoid filling themselves with the empty........we talk about Evie and how it all started at the garden of good and evil..................and how Evie listened to the lies of the enemy...............and then I beg and plead for them to run for lives from the taunting...............the taunting lies of Satan............repeating his same old tricks................. your never going to be good enough.................and God doesn't really love you............................

Genesis 3:5 (English Standard Version)

5For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil."
From the beginning just like Evie we want more............never satisfied with what we have.....................and in an instant................we bite..................and our lives are never the same..................we are filled............filled with the temporary............................the temporary happiness...........of the world................a world that says you can have it all....................and you can have it your way......................................
We talk about the grace....................God's grace..............and how He endured the cross......we talk about the Joy that endures from the cross....................................that means eternity...........we talk about how it is free..................free choice...............that He has chose to give...........................they know it and they want it......but they choose...................another way........a harder way..................a way that leads to the quick fix..............the quick feel good...............then the quick empty....................the rejection of the empty promises...............intoxicated by this world.........they say the yes to God and the Christian thing...............but really meaning the no...................................with a hunger remaining.......for the things of this world...........................
 

I bake them brownies..........and light a candle for prayer................

We close with the forever.......................the forever meaning..............surrender................surrendering to God...............like the woman at the well...........................knowing if they just drink from the living waters.............they will never be alone.................the forever meaning.....................no more pain......................the forever meaning...................no more tears..........the forever meaning no more rejection............................the forever meaning..............JOY................JOY COMETH FROM THE LORD...........happiness is only circumstantial................but JOY...........................IS FOREVER.....................