In the middle of Holy Week............I can't seem to catch my breath! Husband is in Florida.....youngest child with Nana.......middle one with friends who I haven't even seen............and it's me who flew right in here on Wednesday night in the middle Holy week not able to breath.

The mattresses have no cover the tweens have picked such slumber..........I feel like I can't breath.

I beg and I plead to the teen please don't cry!

No-one here is the waiting...............or the ready for the biggest day of the year!

Watching your on fleshing blood..... heart crack right open is not what I call a walk in the park!

Maybe it's all just distractions.............coming at us from afar..........it's my mom that screams;

"time is short"

I feel like there is an elephant sitting on my chest...........my anxious heart awaits to be eased............"is this how He felt before He wore His flesh nailed to a Cross?"

He who knew what was ahead...........SERVED..............even to the one who would betray Him!

I sit in this broken place where it is the unclean and the teens are captivated by the things of the world. I sit because it is me who can't move until His Grace fills me!

I sit and I cry with my hands open............and I wonder if He hears?

And it's then that He gently whispers saying....." DIE.............die to self...................die to the world.....deny your self the things of this world!

So I open up my hands and I pray.............asking the; "the Kings of Kings and the Lord of Lords....."where are you?" And although my head is spinning me a bit disoriented......my heart knows.................God is right here in this mess..............in this pain............gently reminding me...........that He knows.............He knows what pain truly feels like.

Pain is what He did for us!

Willingly.....it was a CHOICE.

He chose it to save US! His Beloved!

all is well because of Him,

Robbie