The snow falls like God's Grace...and once again I find myself looking for a corner to curl up in and not to take part in this race we call "Life."
Tension in this home is what brings back the pain......the intensely painful mothering failures......Have I damaged my kids? Has my own selfishness wounded my husband?
."Then I remember we are just dust.......This life is not about us......The Lord does expose our wounds...so I am laying my heart out for everyone here to see.....I am vulnerable and humble so I make this an offering to Him.....who has given me so much..... I am torn in places I never knew I could tear...........the broken worn out me....one who is a mother, teacher, writer, caretaker, wife, sister, daughter, friend, lover of Jesus.....completely and utterly worn out....not taking the time to just "BREATHE 
I am craving the stillness, the quietness....of it all....craving the still small voice of Him whispering to me that everything is going to be all right....But instead He speaks the words from Luke 12:48 to me......and it is clear as a bell:Robbie, for one who has been given much, much will be demanded.......and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.................Wow.......oh how I wish I knew how to lay it all down on the altar as a sacrifice to Him.................this blog is not about me.....it is where I can take myself lower.....making me more humble................. I want it to be all about Christ!!!!!!! As I blog the Lord gently nudges me....lay it out....lay out your wounds.....your torn out wounds......your failures and how you have lost your patience but with a gentle reminder how our Saviour never looses His...... and He never grows weary........
This place is about finding the beauty and the stillness in all the chaos in this thing called "LIFE." And I want to know what it is like to stand on Holy Ground.......to feel His peace even in my chaos......oh how I want to fall face down as Joshua did and say "what is it that my Lord has to say to me?"Joshua 5:13-15...................13 Now when Joshua was near Jericho, he looked up and saw a man standing in front of him with a drawn sword in his hand. Joshua went up to him and asked, “Are you for us or for our enemies?”
14 “Neither,” he replied, “but as commander of the army of the LORD I have now come.” Then Joshua fell face down to the ground in reverence, and asked him, “What message does my Lord[e] have for his servant?”
15 The commander of the LORD’s army replied, “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy.” And Joshua did so.
So now what is it that the Lord has to say to me? To you????
It is so clear to me now why God laid on my heart the main verse of our Yahweh Sisters Blog site; it is what he has been saying to me to you?
Matthew 22:37-38.....
“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the first and greatest commandment.
I know that I am a bit of a mess in this "Life, raising teenagers....it actually feels like I have pit bulls instead of daughters sometimes.........and yes it was me that told Amy that it is us 'WOMEN," who have the power to set the pace of our homes. It is us who controls the atmosphere....it is even US who sometimes causes the chaos when things are spiraling out of control................Did you know that "grace truly is contagious" .... and when we don't lay it on the altar, when we can't give up the control.... when I make the mistake of screaming at my kids and telling them that they are crazy, and I really do think my 15 year old is crazy....lol It is then that I can sense the spiritual attacks and feel like Satan is up to his same old tired tricks of using my family members to get me to react and lose it. It works when my daughter screams to the top of her lungs....."WHAT IF I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD?".........and I scream back: "well just sit in the church and FAKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! (yes I did say that.....)"
Yes words hurt and I have spoken harshly and I cried and they cried and I just pray that I haven't damaged my girls forever......I cried out to God last night with everything in me and screamed like a crazy women that: " I don't want to do this anymore......I want to run and never look back.... I want to run to that stillness and quietness that I long for....
I cry out to God with weariness on how I have allowed the flesh victory today............Please Abba Father don't let the girls be confused ...let them know the power of your grace......your unfathomable grace......
pouring out my heart like dirty water,
in his grace,
Robbie
