The stew that sustained us....down to the last drop....I come in heavy hearted from the hospital...kick my infested shoes off to the side and hang my key up..how was your day? then I hear it again and again and one of these woman child looking girls called today while I was plugging a hole that was shooting blood from a brain...
only wanting to appease their worldly lust and make their plans for another Saturday night....
trying hard to tell them that renounce is the only way to grace.....God's grace.......
I watch husband's hands as he feeds....noting the mapping of his veins.......longing for more of his sweet embrace......we share the quiet from the hard day.......I watch his hands move forward like grace........I think about the growing older.....the days that are numbered.......the loosing of time......with an deeper appreciation for the ones that hold my heart......with each passing year there is a deeper awareness that time is simply slipping away...................
I stare at his boots.....noting the mud.....the mud from life........life that can be messy...little one called today and said husband was on the roof and almost fell.....my heart skipped a beat for the one whom I love with the all of me.....so many sufferings at work of real people....people with God's grace that are falling from roofs..............
The stacking of more dishes.......all the while I am raging......raging at the women children who test me beyond my limits.....................wondering who is the one that is the sinner....knowing it is me the one with the words that damage.........the tongue that cuts like a razor............my life the one that empties into the dark night of the soul......why is it that I am rejecting.......the joy that comes my way? I am only increasing the darkness by rejecting the joy......rejecting the joy doesn't stop the suffering for the ones that I care for......the thoughts that something big is coming......maybe even the eternity.......maybe we have been chosen for such a time as this..................wanting the joy to pierce me down to the core.......wanting it to breed inside of me and be born again.....that transformation kind of thing......the one that comes from the heart....where the mouth does speak it......bringing forth the light....that only comes from his grace.........................
All of Grace,
Robbie
