I say it endlessly....prayerfully.......Who am I really?
But do I really want to know?
It always starts out so good with the praises to the king....it is then I enter into the lion's den....into this race called......life.....and just like that I fall.
What was it that made Peter.........deny the king?
Matthew 26:69-75
Peter Disowns Jesus
69 Now Peter was sitting out in the courtyard, and a servant girl came to him. “You also were with Jesus of Galilee,” she said. 70 But he denied it before them all. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said.71 Then he went out to the gateway, where another servant girl saw him and said to the people there, “This fellow was with Jesus of Nazareth.”
72 He denied it again, with an oath: “I don’t know the man!”
73 After a little while, those standing there went up to Peter and said, “Surely you are one of them; your accent gives you away.”
74 Then he began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know the man!”
Immediately a rooster crowed. 75 Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly.
Where was my courage when the serpent snared me with his bait...........I bit it like I had never seen grace. Where was my courage to grab hold of the one who was the slaughtered lamb that covers my sins..........by His redeeming blood. Where do I go from here? Me the one who tried to deny the King! Oh how I relate to Peter.....me with all my passion and no brains.....I want to walk on water.........to run to him to jump into his lap to hold on for dear life but who am I really? Am I the woman with unclean lips who claims to know the king.......but coming toe to toe with Satan I almost swallowed my tongue.
It was the shiny gold necklace that was hand carved for me in Israel.........it dangled from my neck as if to say see if you can read...........it was the Dr. the highest in the South-East....top surgeon.........top smarts..........top of the world you see............it was he who cornered the one who claims to know the King, and said: "Is that Hebrew around your neck?" My heart was beating faster because I could feel what was coming next...........I knew He was from a different side of the world..........a different culture from me...........I quietly murmured.."yes," and his tongue whipped out hard and fast........"what does it say?" I stood there fumbling for the words to come but nothing came.........my palms were sweating and my mind was racing 90 to nothing trying the hard to think of a lie, I didn't want conflict...........I wanted to blend in.........to be liked........respected!!! By what a man? Was I actually looking for the praises of a man? But God is faithful.........even when we are not!
Before I could form a lie on my tongue the words fell out of my mouth "Yahweh." (In our weakness He is strong)....."Your-way," he yelled back at me............I sat there in disbelief.............and mumbled it back quietly........"Yahweh." "I am a Christian...........Yahweh is one of the names of God."
"Oh.............he says.........your one of those?" "One of those I said back?" He said; "Yes you are one of those......guilt ridden religions!" I was in shock...........felt like I had just met Satan..........with my head hanging the low I said if that's what you want to call me then YES I am one of those.
I ran out of the room feeling like I had just had several layers of my heart peeled back.... standing there bare and exposed............."where was my courage?" Courage of knowing that I am engraved in the palm of my saviors hands.............it was then the sting of tears started to fall and I wanted to scream but like Peter I wept bitterly.
God is spirit............He is the ever present God. And He didn't even allow me to deny him!
Where was my faithfulness? We are called to a higher calling? Being faithful with the little that has been entrusted to me should come the easy...........He is faithful even when we are not.
Is it just me with my rebellious self..............not thinking I have enough? Enough Grace? Enough love? Enough mercy? Don't we have Jesus? Then Jesus is ENOUGH!!!!!!
The one who calls you is faithful...................even when we can't find the words.........he speaks for us.................when we can't pray...............He prays for us..............when we are the tired........He says; "take my yoke, for my burden is easy and light."
Jesus is always enough.
So I will BREATH.........breath in His grace over and over again until He fills me up with His presence. I will put one foot in front of the other and know that I am loved..........redeemed........saved.........adored.......bought...........treasured.........by the one who is the FAITHFUL!
all of grace,
Robbie
so thankful;
rain
the smell of clean hair
waxed eyebrows
a neighbors car alarm going off at 5am
new attitudes on life
no longer watching the news
prayer time
hunger for more of him
a God who is faithful even when I am not
