Christianity has become a very natural and beautiful complement to receive. It feels good for someone to look at you and say, "wow, I can really tell you are a Christian". But is it enough? There are lot of people who play a good "Christian" to the eyes of those who are watching, but I've noticed in my own walk that it has become something so much deeper. Sure, I love to be complemented, especially for others to see Jesus in me. But what am I like when noone else is looking? What do I do when the doors behind me are shut and noone sees me anymore? Who am I then?
I shared a week or so ago about my walk and where I am going with the Father, and some things within me that need to change...Well, just as one thing starts to soften, another comes right behind it. It was a busy weekend, as Robbie mentioned in a previous post, at the hospital. I was in charge with one patient one night, and two the next...and for anyone who does not know...in a cardiac ICU in a level one trauma center, when you are in charge you shouldn't have patients. Well, that was not the case this weekend...all of the ICU charge nurses had patients. It can be very tiring and start to become so heavy to carry this load that I want to break...and sometimes I do. A few weeks back, I had to release myself from the chaos, go to the office, shut the door behind me, and cry. Sometimes I don't know how to react so I lose it and I either want to cry or yell.
What makes us get to this point? Where does the peace that Robbie mentioned earlier come from? Where does that trust and peace and patience and self righteousness and self control and goodness and love and joy and kindness go to in these times of chaos? Out the back door?
Because I believe that if these fruits were embedded within us, within me, that they couldn't leave me in these times of trouble. Sure others may be able to see God in me when I am bathing a patient and singing Amazing Grace in their room as I clean their back or when I hold the hand of a dying patient or a family member losing someone and ask them if I can pray with them. Sure my coworkers may see that I leave work after working a hard 12-13 hour night and drag myself into church because that is what "Christians" are supposed to do. Other units may see that I will go above and beyond to help them when the hospital is as busy as it was this past weekend and never swear or curse one time. Absolutely, they may see a glimpse of Him in the way that I respond to certain things and certain situations, but what do I look like when I'm pushed to the very edge?
I'm not a nice person...I want to throw my hands up, yell at the top of my lungs and then go hide in my room, with the door shut, and cry for hours until all of the "mess" is fixed.
I have to become more than just that "Christian" for the sake of a compliment. I want to be more than an outside Christian, wearing the Christian outfit of the day. I have to have the fruits of His spirit embedded so deep inside of tissues and organs that I vomit goodness and self control, that I cry tears of love and joy and peace, that I speak patience and kindness and self righteousness. I've said this many times, but I'm being faced with more and more that God needs to be inside of me, He has to be inside of me.
I feel like God gave me a revelation this past week. If you read a previous post of mine, I mentioned the comment about beauty and having God being seen from the outside because He was living so much within the inside of me that He flowed....well, I feel that He was showing me that once I begin to care about WHAT the outside looks like and I begin to take some "pride" (and I hate to use that word, but I pray that you see where I'm going with this) in what I look like from the outward appearance, then I will begin to have to change the inward to meet up. I will begin to want more of Him on the inside so that the outward will "look better". See, I'm one that could walk around all day in a t-shirt and sweat pants and no makeup and hair pulled back. But I need to freshen up a bit...put on some makeup, at least wash my hair and comb it, and be more "pleasant" to look at. But I begin to not care about the outward because I'm so focused right now on the inward, I'm working too hard on the inward. If I were looking in the mirror I would see that the outward isn't changing because I haven't started to care about that part.
Okay, I don't want to lose you...just know this. God wants to be more than a compliment that is payed to you. He wants you to be more than just in that "Christian" group of people. He wants to know you and spend time with you, and He wants to be with you when the door is shut and noone from the outside world can see within the walls of your house.
I want to leave you with this...talk to God this week. Spend some time evaluating your walk and your inward and outward appearance (and I'm not talking about beauty). Ask yourself where you are with the Father right now. Some of us need to bring God back into our lives and let Him encompass our life and our ways. It is about more than just being complimented, it is about really knowing God and finding His will and ways for your life.
In True Surrender to the One Who Can Break the Chains off and Change the Way I Look on the Outside and the Inside and Keep me out of the Wrong Group That I Want To be a Part of Just for the Sake of Being Complimented...It's So Much More Than That...There's So Much More To It....He's Worth So Much More...
Jennifer
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Temptation
Today as I strolled through walmart grabbing powerade and snacks needed for a long day at the ball field I thought about 'Candy". Knowing that if I buy something like that for myself when I have my three boys with me, we all end up arguing about" why does he get that" or " It's not fair". So usually I buy treats on the DL. ( down low) Ha Ha- I end up looking like a chipmunk trying to hide whatever I'm eating. But today was different, I only had my 9 year old with me. He rarely asks for anything. He has always been like that, just likes to look. When you ask him if he wants something. He usually tells us that he doesn't need anything. Today my "needy" sons were at baseball practice. So Josh and I strolled around walmart. As we got near the "candy" area I felt nervous and wanted to run the other way, until I realized that just Josh was with me. Yeah I can go look at the candy. Well I felt the Holy Spirit teaching me as I walked through the tempting aisle. Every human being on this earth has a temptation, a weakness, a conviction. For Josh- candy or material things are not a temptation, but my other two boys would have a " sugar rush" from just smelling the candy. We know what tempts us may not tempt others. So the ideal thing to do would be to avoid that temptation, or temptation aisle. When Noah and Andrew are with me, I avoid the candy aisle. That way no one struggles, including me. So whatever your convictions are- stay away. If you cant afford material things, expensive clothes, etc.- then stay away from the mall. If you want to lose weight, or eat healthy- then stay away from fast food restaurants. In order to conquer our weakness, temptations, etc- we must pray every minute, at first, to get through the day. You will see that God will give you strength beyond all understanding and one day there will be no turning back. Once that test is passed, God will then chose another test. It all may seem like God is being hard on us, but he is getting us ready for his kingdom. Pray without ceasing and with everything give praise. Be strong and know that God will not give you anything more that you can handle. Pray, Pray, Read God's word. And be still. He is coming soon!!!!!
Amy
Amy
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Worship...............
It is not enough just to go to church on Sunday's! Everyday should be worship for us.
It is sad to me to listen to any news these days. It is almost like the world has gone mad... I praise God that I don't have the fear that I used to have but I do feel the sadness.
It seems to be flashing across the TV screen to often that a Christian leader? A Pastor, has caused harm to a child!!! Is this what the church in AMERICA has become known for?
Revelation 18: 4-5;
Then I heard another voice from heaven say:
"Come out of her, my people,
so that you will not share in her sins,
so that you will not receive any of her plagues;
5; for her sins are piled up to heaven,
and God remembered her crimes....................
The people of Babylon had lived in luxury and pleasures. We as Americans have lived in luxury and pleasures. We as Americans have felt secure and in control so much that we have allowed God to be removed from our schools, from our court-houses from everything. Being a "Christian" has even become offensive to others so much that we have lost our boldness and have become light-hearted in our walks.
We are taught in the Bible to avoid Babylon's sins. We have been blessed as a nation for many years to the point we have taken things for granted and become self-sufficient and self-reliant. We as a nation no longer need a Savior! Money, greed and power have become our objectives. Our judgement is here and it is harsh......and it is only the beginning!
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS; WE MUST REMEMBER THAT GOD IS IN CHARGE!!!!!
God over-rules all the plans and intrigues of the evil one.....and God's plan will happen just as he says. Doesn't that make you want to shout GLORY!!!! This earth is not our home. One day we will lay down all our burdens; there will be no more sickness, no more death, no more hunger etc....Although God does allow evil to permeate this present world, the new earth will never no sin!!!! Praise God...
What am I known for? What are you known for? The longer will live in this world the more COMFORTABLE we become and the more vulnerable we are to receiving her plagues....
As my pastor preached on this a couple of weeks ago, I sat in church weeping uncontrollably. Once or twice even Amy gave me a look like what is wrong with you...lol ( The pastor knows that Amy and I are nurses. I often wonder when he sees Amy and I having an ugly cry if he thinks maybe they killed someone at work...lol ) just kidding... But I sat there thinking as he said those words... COME OUT OF HER MY PEOPLE, SO THAT YOU DO NOT SHARE IN HER SINS.... God is saying this to us right now; Come out or else you will be destroyed.
I have asked myself and God, how? How do I need to live my life so that it is pleasing to you? How do I lay the masks down? How do I draw nearer to you with the craziness of my life? How do I tell old friends that I don't enjoy their company anymore? Or is that wrong?
They have never tasted the living waters. They have never felt the power of the Holy Spirit flow through them. And most of all they don't want to at this point. Do I stay a their friend? Do I try to be an influence in their lives that God wants us to be in this lost and dying world....??
When I listen closely enough I will hear the father say to me in gentle whisper; Robbie you are not strong enough, you put me on the back burner just like others. You are busy, busy with your life. You haven't turned from your idols to serve the one true, living God... You are not known by your old friends as making a radical change yet... Yes they can see you are not the same, but radical? NO; not yet.... You are holding back from me. And Fear you think that you don't have that anymore? Well guess what it is still there! You haven't let go.. You have yet to surrender fully to me. You have one foot on the side of the fence in the world and the other foot in the spiritual realm. You are straddling the fence!!!! You have tasted the living water but you have yet to drink from it!
So as I sit here writing this my heart is sad because once again God has confirmed it, I have changed! But radically? No... How about you? What have you turned from that makes people talk? Has your reputation radically changed at some point in your life? To the point that people are talking about you because they think you are weird? Strange? What is your identity wrapped up in? Your children? Your spouse? Your house? Your church? Friends? etc....
Our radical change has to be more than going to church on Sundays and doing good church activities. I am talking about something so much deeper. Deeper with God.. The kind of relationship where you will dive into the deepest part of the ocean with him, where the unknown is. Don't you want to know him? Don't you want to know his characteristics? Don't you want your character to be changed forever? Are you at a place in your relationships where you don't care what anybody thinks of you anymore? Because you have found the living true God? Living out the kind of radical change that SEPARATES you from this world......Paul preached many times on how important it was to TURN not just acknowledge your evil ways... You have to become invested in God...by picking up your cross and following him.. Not just Sunday worship but everyday worship!!!! This is the one true way we can thank God for reaching down and saving us from the power of darkness... No matter how bad it gets God is coming back...
working on keeping enduring hope of his return... Jesus is coming...
Robbie
It is sad to me to listen to any news these days. It is almost like the world has gone mad... I praise God that I don't have the fear that I used to have but I do feel the sadness.
It seems to be flashing across the TV screen to often that a Christian leader? A Pastor, has caused harm to a child!!! Is this what the church in AMERICA has become known for?
Revelation 18: 4-5;
Then I heard another voice from heaven say:
"Come out of her, my people,
so that you will not share in her sins,
so that you will not receive any of her plagues;
5; for her sins are piled up to heaven,
and God remembered her crimes....................
The people of Babylon had lived in luxury and pleasures. We as Americans have lived in luxury and pleasures. We as Americans have felt secure and in control so much that we have allowed God to be removed from our schools, from our court-houses from everything. Being a "Christian" has even become offensive to others so much that we have lost our boldness and have become light-hearted in our walks.
We are taught in the Bible to avoid Babylon's sins. We have been blessed as a nation for many years to the point we have taken things for granted and become self-sufficient and self-reliant. We as a nation no longer need a Savior! Money, greed and power have become our objectives. Our judgement is here and it is harsh......and it is only the beginning!
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS; WE MUST REMEMBER THAT GOD IS IN CHARGE!!!!!
God over-rules all the plans and intrigues of the evil one.....and God's plan will happen just as he says. Doesn't that make you want to shout GLORY!!!! This earth is not our home. One day we will lay down all our burdens; there will be no more sickness, no more death, no more hunger etc....Although God does allow evil to permeate this present world, the new earth will never no sin!!!! Praise God...
What am I known for? What are you known for? The longer will live in this world the more COMFORTABLE we become and the more vulnerable we are to receiving her plagues....
As my pastor preached on this a couple of weeks ago, I sat in church weeping uncontrollably. Once or twice even Amy gave me a look like what is wrong with you...lol ( The pastor knows that Amy and I are nurses. I often wonder when he sees Amy and I having an ugly cry if he thinks maybe they killed someone at work...lol ) just kidding... But I sat there thinking as he said those words... COME OUT OF HER MY PEOPLE, SO THAT YOU DO NOT SHARE IN HER SINS.... God is saying this to us right now; Come out or else you will be destroyed.
I have asked myself and God, how? How do I need to live my life so that it is pleasing to you? How do I lay the masks down? How do I draw nearer to you with the craziness of my life? How do I tell old friends that I don't enjoy their company anymore? Or is that wrong?
They have never tasted the living waters. They have never felt the power of the Holy Spirit flow through them. And most of all they don't want to at this point. Do I stay a their friend? Do I try to be an influence in their lives that God wants us to be in this lost and dying world....??
When I listen closely enough I will hear the father say to me in gentle whisper; Robbie you are not strong enough, you put me on the back burner just like others. You are busy, busy with your life. You haven't turned from your idols to serve the one true, living God... You are not known by your old friends as making a radical change yet... Yes they can see you are not the same, but radical? NO; not yet.... You are holding back from me. And Fear you think that you don't have that anymore? Well guess what it is still there! You haven't let go.. You have yet to surrender fully to me. You have one foot on the side of the fence in the world and the other foot in the spiritual realm. You are straddling the fence!!!! You have tasted the living water but you have yet to drink from it!
So as I sit here writing this my heart is sad because once again God has confirmed it, I have changed! But radically? No... How about you? What have you turned from that makes people talk? Has your reputation radically changed at some point in your life? To the point that people are talking about you because they think you are weird? Strange? What is your identity wrapped up in? Your children? Your spouse? Your house? Your church? Friends? etc....
Our radical change has to be more than going to church on Sundays and doing good church activities. I am talking about something so much deeper. Deeper with God.. The kind of relationship where you will dive into the deepest part of the ocean with him, where the unknown is. Don't you want to know him? Don't you want to know his characteristics? Don't you want your character to be changed forever? Are you at a place in your relationships where you don't care what anybody thinks of you anymore? Because you have found the living true God? Living out the kind of radical change that SEPARATES you from this world......Paul preached many times on how important it was to TURN not just acknowledge your evil ways... You have to become invested in God...by picking up your cross and following him.. Not just Sunday worship but everyday worship!!!! This is the one true way we can thank God for reaching down and saving us from the power of darkness... No matter how bad it gets God is coming back...
working on keeping enduring hope of his return... Jesus is coming...
Robbie
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Oh where have I been? I ask myself that almost daily...in everything that I have my hand in. I ask myself that in my walk with the Father, in my role as a mother, in my blessing of being a wife, in my job as a nurse, and now as a Graduate student. I often wonder where I have been in my life and what do I have to show for it and in what direction am I going and what will I have to show for it when I get there...
Well, life seems to be keeping me very busy lately. My outside life, as I previously knew it, no longer exist. I am consumed with new activities and new roles as the closeness around me starts to change and be molded into something very new, exciting, and ever more scary to my own human eyes. You may be asking what is going on in my life...well, I can't really tell you all of the details because they are much like the details that many of you are panning out in your own life, and if I were to try to write it out or explain it, it wouldn't seem like much. However, the craziness of it all and the newness of it has consumed me and pulled me apart from a lot of the outside, fun world that I once knew.
The question is....am I disappointed? I would have to say, "No, not really". You see, I love my quiet times. I enjoy being consumed with the ones around me that mean the world to me and the ability to pour into another's life that I have been given responsibility for. Now I am not saying that I am a hermit and I've turned my back on the outside world (and for some it may seem that way at times). I just know that I have been called, and placed inside of me are certain duties to fulfill and certain things that I have been placed on this earth to do, and I must complete the tasks that have been layed before me now before I can ever go onto the others that God has in store for me in the future.
See, lately God has taken my focus off of "doing, doing, doing" and put it back on my inner self and my own inner beauty. This is an area that I have always struggled with. I have never seen inner, or really outer beauty, for that matter when I looked at myself in the mirror. I know that I can be cute, but we, as women, could always change something about ourselves. Well, I love who I am on the outside, and of course, I want to change things every now and again (especially around bathing suit season), but right now, I am not happy with some of the things that are on the inside of me. Things that I refused to admit were in me. Things that I swore were not in me....I mean, I've been a Christian for a long time, how could I be struggling with these things? Well, I am...I have some things inside of me that need to be cleaned out so that when I look in the mirror, I am pleased at the image looking back at me because what I am looking at in that mirror is the mirror image of God. Right now, when I look at the mirror, I can't say that is what I see. I may see a small piece of my earlobe that may resemble a small portion of Him, but I want to see His face....I want to see His eyes staring back into mine...I want to see His smile on my lips, and deeper still....I want to see His thoughts flow from my head. See, I don't struggle with the mask thing that Robbie has mentioned that she struggles with at times...I know who I am...and unfortunately, others often know who I am too...they know that what they see when they look at me is what they are going to get....I want them to see Him.
So, God has me at a place of pure cleansing, from the inside...because, my friend, once God cleans me up from the inside, you will be able to see it on the outside. It will be evident. I hope that one day when we meet that you will see Him not just in me, but ON me, around me, and flowing through me...I have a lot of stuff to get rid of...and just as we have posted many times before...it hurts to have someone that you want to impress, someone that you want to be proud of you...to look you in the eyes and say, "Jennifer, it's time to get rid of some of these things that you have held onto for so long now. It's time you let me clean you out."
See, before now, I've gotten by...read my word, prayed my prayers, listened to my praise music, spoke the name of Jesus to others, went to church, asked God to forgive me, thanked Him for every meal that touched my mouth...all of these things are good and we must not forget to do them, but I am at a place where cleansing has to take place in order for me to even live on this earth as the daughter that He has called me to be.
You see, I know that God has his hand on my life. I know that He has placed me where He wants me to be. I know that He has called me to something wonderful. But I am in a process of preparing for that day.
I don't want to get there, with all of the biblical and medical knowledge that I need to do the job, and have the ones that He places before me to look at me and still not be able to see God.
I must be prepared...and God pulls me into a quiet place where I can surrender without any advice from the outside (and I do enjoy the opinions from others), and He places me in a place where I can hear Him when He speaks, where I can see Him when He shows up, where I can depend on Him to guide me instead of others leading me or distracting me. I am a quiet, old sole that needs to be locked up in a silent room so that I can be taught. I love to look around, to be in the middle of the booth next to me's conversation, to know all of the who's and what's about things I'm involved with...I suffer from a distraction of the outside so much that I can't focus on the things right in front of my eyes sometimes. God knows that about me. He knows that in order to get my attention, He has to seclude me from the distractions (and I don't mean this in a bad way- I'm just NOSEY!!!!Okay, I said it). I love life. I love the things of God...His creation, food, friendships, music, football games, you name it...I can put myself in those places and find some type of enjoyment out of it, BUT I need to focus on Him right now. I am getting things in order...trying to get organized...I don't know what all is in store for me...But I do know that I have to start working towards it.
I want to always be able to look back and see goodness out of all that I've walked through in life. Even the hard times, the difficult struggles, and the times that I would just as soon forget about...God has allowed me to see some good in them. But right now, in my walk, I have some cleansing to be done. Yes, I do feel like I am in a desert, lonely, and quiet...But I am learning that in that desert there is only ONE who will provide water to drink, only one who will whisper into my ears, only one who can fill that place...and that is the one that has placed me here to learn...God is working on me.
I want to see you one day and have you see Him in me, through me, around me, and flowing from me...but I have some work to be done.
I love the Yahweh Sisters and this blog and I have missed blogging, and I hope that you can understand now where my time has been...Life is changing...Seasons come and go...Leaves fall off to prepare for the beauty that is to come...I want my Tree to have the Abundance of the Most Beautiful Leaves Blossoming in the next season to come in my life and in order for that to take place, some old leaves have to fall off...Some branches have to be cut...and it hurts, but I want others to enjoy looking at God's creation once He is done with it...I want them to be able to come sit underneath it and enjoy the shade of it, I want them to want to eat from the fruit that it supplies, and in due time...they will.
Thank you God, no matter how bad it may hurt and how hard it is to go through, for a cleansing and renewing of my spirit and inner man. There is so much about me that needs to be molded to be more like YOU.
Jennifer
Well, life seems to be keeping me very busy lately. My outside life, as I previously knew it, no longer exist. I am consumed with new activities and new roles as the closeness around me starts to change and be molded into something very new, exciting, and ever more scary to my own human eyes. You may be asking what is going on in my life...well, I can't really tell you all of the details because they are much like the details that many of you are panning out in your own life, and if I were to try to write it out or explain it, it wouldn't seem like much. However, the craziness of it all and the newness of it has consumed me and pulled me apart from a lot of the outside, fun world that I once knew.
The question is....am I disappointed? I would have to say, "No, not really". You see, I love my quiet times. I enjoy being consumed with the ones around me that mean the world to me and the ability to pour into another's life that I have been given responsibility for. Now I am not saying that I am a hermit and I've turned my back on the outside world (and for some it may seem that way at times). I just know that I have been called, and placed inside of me are certain duties to fulfill and certain things that I have been placed on this earth to do, and I must complete the tasks that have been layed before me now before I can ever go onto the others that God has in store for me in the future.
See, lately God has taken my focus off of "doing, doing, doing" and put it back on my inner self and my own inner beauty. This is an area that I have always struggled with. I have never seen inner, or really outer beauty, for that matter when I looked at myself in the mirror. I know that I can be cute, but we, as women, could always change something about ourselves. Well, I love who I am on the outside, and of course, I want to change things every now and again (especially around bathing suit season), but right now, I am not happy with some of the things that are on the inside of me. Things that I refused to admit were in me. Things that I swore were not in me....I mean, I've been a Christian for a long time, how could I be struggling with these things? Well, I am...I have some things inside of me that need to be cleaned out so that when I look in the mirror, I am pleased at the image looking back at me because what I am looking at in that mirror is the mirror image of God. Right now, when I look at the mirror, I can't say that is what I see. I may see a small piece of my earlobe that may resemble a small portion of Him, but I want to see His face....I want to see His eyes staring back into mine...I want to see His smile on my lips, and deeper still....I want to see His thoughts flow from my head. See, I don't struggle with the mask thing that Robbie has mentioned that she struggles with at times...I know who I am...and unfortunately, others often know who I am too...they know that what they see when they look at me is what they are going to get....I want them to see Him.
So, God has me at a place of pure cleansing, from the inside...because, my friend, once God cleans me up from the inside, you will be able to see it on the outside. It will be evident. I hope that one day when we meet that you will see Him not just in me, but ON me, around me, and flowing through me...I have a lot of stuff to get rid of...and just as we have posted many times before...it hurts to have someone that you want to impress, someone that you want to be proud of you...to look you in the eyes and say, "Jennifer, it's time to get rid of some of these things that you have held onto for so long now. It's time you let me clean you out."
See, before now, I've gotten by...read my word, prayed my prayers, listened to my praise music, spoke the name of Jesus to others, went to church, asked God to forgive me, thanked Him for every meal that touched my mouth...all of these things are good and we must not forget to do them, but I am at a place where cleansing has to take place in order for me to even live on this earth as the daughter that He has called me to be.
You see, I know that God has his hand on my life. I know that He has placed me where He wants me to be. I know that He has called me to something wonderful. But I am in a process of preparing for that day.
I don't want to get there, with all of the biblical and medical knowledge that I need to do the job, and have the ones that He places before me to look at me and still not be able to see God.
I must be prepared...and God pulls me into a quiet place where I can surrender without any advice from the outside (and I do enjoy the opinions from others), and He places me in a place where I can hear Him when He speaks, where I can see Him when He shows up, where I can depend on Him to guide me instead of others leading me or distracting me. I am a quiet, old sole that needs to be locked up in a silent room so that I can be taught. I love to look around, to be in the middle of the booth next to me's conversation, to know all of the who's and what's about things I'm involved with...I suffer from a distraction of the outside so much that I can't focus on the things right in front of my eyes sometimes. God knows that about me. He knows that in order to get my attention, He has to seclude me from the distractions (and I don't mean this in a bad way- I'm just NOSEY!!!!Okay, I said it). I love life. I love the things of God...His creation, food, friendships, music, football games, you name it...I can put myself in those places and find some type of enjoyment out of it, BUT I need to focus on Him right now. I am getting things in order...trying to get organized...I don't know what all is in store for me...But I do know that I have to start working towards it.
I want to always be able to look back and see goodness out of all that I've walked through in life. Even the hard times, the difficult struggles, and the times that I would just as soon forget about...God has allowed me to see some good in them. But right now, in my walk, I have some cleansing to be done. Yes, I do feel like I am in a desert, lonely, and quiet...But I am learning that in that desert there is only ONE who will provide water to drink, only one who will whisper into my ears, only one who can fill that place...and that is the one that has placed me here to learn...God is working on me.
I want to see you one day and have you see Him in me, through me, around me, and flowing from me...but I have some work to be done.
I love the Yahweh Sisters and this blog and I have missed blogging, and I hope that you can understand now where my time has been...Life is changing...Seasons come and go...Leaves fall off to prepare for the beauty that is to come...I want my Tree to have the Abundance of the Most Beautiful Leaves Blossoming in the next season to come in my life and in order for that to take place, some old leaves have to fall off...Some branches have to be cut...and it hurts, but I want others to enjoy looking at God's creation once He is done with it...I want them to be able to come sit underneath it and enjoy the shade of it, I want them to want to eat from the fruit that it supplies, and in due time...they will.
Thank you God, no matter how bad it may hurt and how hard it is to go through, for a cleansing and renewing of my spirit and inner man. There is so much about me that needs to be molded to be more like YOU.
Jennifer
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Prayer........................
Psalm 143:8; Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul....
King David prayed in the morning and then watched and waited for God to speak to his heart.
Although King David was loosing hope and he was caught with paralyzing fear he still came to the Lord in prayer. He expressed his true feelings. His prayer was not self-centered. He prayed for God's will in his life. This showed God's mercy and grace in his life.
This weekend at work I took care of a patient who came out of the OR after having brain surgery.
I have an amazing privilege of seeing some of God's miracles every week when I work. This particular case was interesting to me because I had never seen such amazing faith from the patient herself. How this lady touched my life is hard for me to put into words. She said she knew something was not right deep inside of her soul because of the symptoms she was having. Being a nurse helped her know that something was terribly wrong. She had been very healthy and active all her life with no problems. After several Dr. visits they found the problem.
She said she did the only thing she knew to do and that was to reach out to God himself in prayer. She said she did not pray for God to deliver her from this but for God to pull her through it if it was His will!! Wow!!!! Did you get that? Not to take this thing away, but to give her the power and the strentgh to endure this and to glorify HIM through this. The minute I walked into her room His prescence was over-whelming to me. The Holy Spirit in me recognized the Holy Spirit in her. At times it was hard for me to stand close to her bed and do the things I needed to do to her as her nurse because the minute she would speak it was all about God and all I could do was weep. It wasn't because I was sad or because she was not going to be ok; it was simply that I could sense God's presence all over her. It was the first time that I truly saw His Mercy and His Grace radiating off of someone. It seemed to be from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet. I can't explain it. I am in awe that I got to witness this. It was truly amazing. A miracle!
It was beautiful to hear this woman who had major brain surgery with her head being cut from one end to the next, and all she could talk about was how amazing her God is! She is an amazing example of what God is looking for. His eyes are looking to and fro for someone, anyone that is going to trust him. Wow... He certainly found it that day!
She explained that she never prayed a self-centered prayer through this ordeal. She knew her God and trusted him. She said He would either deliver her through this storm or He would bring her home to him. (And yes she has kids and a husband like most of us.) She looked beyond what she wanted. Don't miss this, let me say that again. SHE LOOKED BEYOND WHAT SHE WANTED!!!!! She wanted the will of God to be followed through. Isn't that amazing. God was Glorified through this entire thing. She stood the test. Her Faith was amazing. She knows her God. She knows that not even death could separate her from her Father. She surrendered to Him.
Living in a fallen world most of us will at some point in our lives have to deal with paralyzing fear, losing hope and even sometimes some form of depression. It is in those times when we feel that we can't pull ourselves out, that we must surrender our lives to him by prayer and BELIEVE that God is who He says He is....... Let us all strive to glorify the Father no matter what curve ball this thing called LIFE throws our way. This precious lady was such a blessing to me. She took her eyes off of her own circumstance and kept her gaze on the things above. She helped me grow my FAITH to a deeper level with God. That's what it is all about. We must live our lives so that no matter what our own circumstances are we keep our eyes focused on the things above and in return we become examples to others.
When it looks like our world is falling down around us and their seems to be no hope left, let people see that we are not falling with it. That there is a God in heaven who holds us in the palm of his hands. It is then that God is glorified and people will notice that their is something different about us and who knows they may even want to know what is it that gives us that kind ofPEACE that surpasses all understanding................even when our world is falling apart....
Building my Faith one day at a time,
Robbie
King David prayed in the morning and then watched and waited for God to speak to his heart.
Although King David was loosing hope and he was caught with paralyzing fear he still came to the Lord in prayer. He expressed his true feelings. His prayer was not self-centered. He prayed for God's will in his life. This showed God's mercy and grace in his life.
This weekend at work I took care of a patient who came out of the OR after having brain surgery.
I have an amazing privilege of seeing some of God's miracles every week when I work. This particular case was interesting to me because I had never seen such amazing faith from the patient herself. How this lady touched my life is hard for me to put into words. She said she knew something was not right deep inside of her soul because of the symptoms she was having. Being a nurse helped her know that something was terribly wrong. She had been very healthy and active all her life with no problems. After several Dr. visits they found the problem.
She said she did the only thing she knew to do and that was to reach out to God himself in prayer. She said she did not pray for God to deliver her from this but for God to pull her through it if it was His will!! Wow!!!! Did you get that? Not to take this thing away, but to give her the power and the strentgh to endure this and to glorify HIM through this. The minute I walked into her room His prescence was over-whelming to me. The Holy Spirit in me recognized the Holy Spirit in her. At times it was hard for me to stand close to her bed and do the things I needed to do to her as her nurse because the minute she would speak it was all about God and all I could do was weep. It wasn't because I was sad or because she was not going to be ok; it was simply that I could sense God's presence all over her. It was the first time that I truly saw His Mercy and His Grace radiating off of someone. It seemed to be from the top of her head to the bottom of her feet. I can't explain it. I am in awe that I got to witness this. It was truly amazing. A miracle!
It was beautiful to hear this woman who had major brain surgery with her head being cut from one end to the next, and all she could talk about was how amazing her God is! She is an amazing example of what God is looking for. His eyes are looking to and fro for someone, anyone that is going to trust him. Wow... He certainly found it that day!
She explained that she never prayed a self-centered prayer through this ordeal. She knew her God and trusted him. She said He would either deliver her through this storm or He would bring her home to him. (And yes she has kids and a husband like most of us.) She looked beyond what she wanted. Don't miss this, let me say that again. SHE LOOKED BEYOND WHAT SHE WANTED!!!!! She wanted the will of God to be followed through. Isn't that amazing. God was Glorified through this entire thing. She stood the test. Her Faith was amazing. She knows her God. She knows that not even death could separate her from her Father. She surrendered to Him.
Living in a fallen world most of us will at some point in our lives have to deal with paralyzing fear, losing hope and even sometimes some form of depression. It is in those times when we feel that we can't pull ourselves out, that we must surrender our lives to him by prayer and BELIEVE that God is who He says He is....... Let us all strive to glorify the Father no matter what curve ball this thing called LIFE throws our way. This precious lady was such a blessing to me. She took her eyes off of her own circumstance and kept her gaze on the things above. She helped me grow my FAITH to a deeper level with God. That's what it is all about. We must live our lives so that no matter what our own circumstances are we keep our eyes focused on the things above and in return we become examples to others.
When it looks like our world is falling down around us and their seems to be no hope left, let people see that we are not falling with it. That there is a God in heaven who holds us in the palm of his hands. It is then that God is glorified and people will notice that their is something different about us and who knows they may even want to know what is it that gives us that kind ofPEACE that surpasses all understanding................even when our world is falling apart....
Building my Faith one day at a time,
Robbie
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sacrifices...................
Psalm 51:17; The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
Have you ever feel stagnant in your faith as if you are just going through the motions? Have you ever felt like sin is a wedge between you and God making him seem so distant? David felt this way when he sinned with Bathsheba and was confronted by the prophet! Psalm 51; is David's prayer of brokenness to God! David was a man after God's own heart. But he ignored God's word and fed his flesh.
Psalm 51:16; You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
David knew that there was nothing that could EARN God's favor back!
Just when I think I have a tiny little grasp on who God is; trying to live my life with good decisions that I think would be pleasing to God then God shows me just how far I am from knowing him at all. I think it would be easier to offer up a sacrifice than to let God work on my heart. We are born into this world as sinners. It is only natural for us to want to please ourselves instead of God.
Outward expressions cannot be a substitute for brokenness and a contrite heart!
Do we think others need help and we don't? I find myself going to church on Sundays and hearing the word of God and thinking only if so and so could hear that message! Only if that person could have been in the bible study I was in then they would act differently. I have seen people that say and do something so incredibly hateful and mean and then in the next breath claim that it was for God!!! As if to make themselves feel better when they seemed farther away from God than I could imagine. It feels like I am watching a movie in slow motion and it takes everything in me not to scream like a crazy person. Sometimes I have felt numb and distant. I asked God how? why? can this be from people who claim to be of you. I have realized that whatever other people decide to wrap their identity in; is not for me to control. I can only control me. It is me whose heart is not where it should be. It is me who God is gently whispering; "Why is your face so downcast?" "Why are you so angry?".....Maybe because in some ways I have allowed these relationships into my life, and they want to control me. Sometimes I feel their is no end to these toxic relationships. The only time I feel that I will truly be at peace is when I am in the arms of Jesus. The costumes are worn out! God is trying to unmask me. He is working on me from the inside out. It is not the external that he is concerned with. It is all about dying the flesh daily!!! No matter how bad it hurts, no matter how hard it seems. It is the one true sacrifice that leads to a worshipping heart. I want to know what it feels like to have a worshipping heart for God! I want to inherit the peace that suppresses all understanding? I want to thirst for Him like a deer pants for water; and I want to taste the living water. That is where the true peace lies. God has showed me lately that I need to ask myself some hard questions:
1) What place does the word of God have in my life?
2) Do I crave it everyday?
3) Is is a part of my daily life that I can't go without?
4) Am I daily seeking to know him through His word?
How to I get to a place of brokenness that God is looking for? Oh I know I have been brought to my knees before with all kinds of hurt and pain that I don't care to ever revisit. But have I ever known true brokenness like the spiritual kind? Have you ever known true brokeness?
God will NEVER require something of you or of me that hasn't been revealed to us through his word! You don't have to fully understand what He is asking you to do, but He will give you peace as you walk by FAITH and do it. His word has to become the most important thing in our lives that we own. It is your GPS system to this life. It is your answer to every question you have. It is alive and powerful. It is the Holy Spirit's job to make Jesus jump off the pages of the bible to you and help you have understanding, and knowledge. What does God want from you, from me? He wants us to be WOMEN OF THE WORD!!!!!! He doesn't want us to be light weights for Him. He wants to see us flex our spiritual muscle in a crisis situation. He wants to see us use what He has given us. Power that we don't even know we have.
God give us a hunger and a desire that can't be quenched; make us women who thirst for your word. Don't let us go one day without you Lord.
Praise you for you are the Ancient of Days..............................
Robbie
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
Have you ever feel stagnant in your faith as if you are just going through the motions? Have you ever felt like sin is a wedge between you and God making him seem so distant? David felt this way when he sinned with Bathsheba and was confronted by the prophet! Psalm 51; is David's prayer of brokenness to God! David was a man after God's own heart. But he ignored God's word and fed his flesh.
Psalm 51:16; You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
David knew that there was nothing that could EARN God's favor back!
Just when I think I have a tiny little grasp on who God is; trying to live my life with good decisions that I think would be pleasing to God then God shows me just how far I am from knowing him at all. I think it would be easier to offer up a sacrifice than to let God work on my heart. We are born into this world as sinners. It is only natural for us to want to please ourselves instead of God.
Outward expressions cannot be a substitute for brokenness and a contrite heart!
Do we think others need help and we don't? I find myself going to church on Sundays and hearing the word of God and thinking only if so and so could hear that message! Only if that person could have been in the bible study I was in then they would act differently. I have seen people that say and do something so incredibly hateful and mean and then in the next breath claim that it was for God!!! As if to make themselves feel better when they seemed farther away from God than I could imagine. It feels like I am watching a movie in slow motion and it takes everything in me not to scream like a crazy person. Sometimes I have felt numb and distant. I asked God how? why? can this be from people who claim to be of you. I have realized that whatever other people decide to wrap their identity in; is not for me to control. I can only control me. It is me whose heart is not where it should be. It is me who God is gently whispering; "Why is your face so downcast?" "Why are you so angry?".....Maybe because in some ways I have allowed these relationships into my life, and they want to control me. Sometimes I feel their is no end to these toxic relationships. The only time I feel that I will truly be at peace is when I am in the arms of Jesus. The costumes are worn out! God is trying to unmask me. He is working on me from the inside out. It is not the external that he is concerned with. It is all about dying the flesh daily!!! No matter how bad it hurts, no matter how hard it seems. It is the one true sacrifice that leads to a worshipping heart. I want to know what it feels like to have a worshipping heart for God! I want to inherit the peace that suppresses all understanding? I want to thirst for Him like a deer pants for water; and I want to taste the living water. That is where the true peace lies. God has showed me lately that I need to ask myself some hard questions:
1) What place does the word of God have in my life?
2) Do I crave it everyday?
3) Is is a part of my daily life that I can't go without?
4) Am I daily seeking to know him through His word?
How to I get to a place of brokenness that God is looking for? Oh I know I have been brought to my knees before with all kinds of hurt and pain that I don't care to ever revisit. But have I ever known true brokenness like the spiritual kind? Have you ever known true brokeness?
God will NEVER require something of you or of me that hasn't been revealed to us through his word! You don't have to fully understand what He is asking you to do, but He will give you peace as you walk by FAITH and do it. His word has to become the most important thing in our lives that we own. It is your GPS system to this life. It is your answer to every question you have. It is alive and powerful. It is the Holy Spirit's job to make Jesus jump off the pages of the bible to you and help you have understanding, and knowledge. What does God want from you, from me? He wants us to be WOMEN OF THE WORD!!!!!! He doesn't want us to be light weights for Him. He wants to see us flex our spiritual muscle in a crisis situation. He wants to see us use what He has given us. Power that we don't even know we have.
God give us a hunger and a desire that can't be quenched; make us women who thirst for your word. Don't let us go one day without you Lord.
Praise you for you are the Ancient of Days..............................
Robbie
Friday, September 24, 2010
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