Today I woke up to it pouring rain outside. I love hearing the rain coming down on a fall day; it is truly my favorite time of the year.... I was so determined to spend some quality time alone with God. It is so easy to get side tracked in this thing called LIFE.....
I couldn't wait for all the girls to be at school so I could have some alone time with God and to get some things accomplished around the house that I have neglected lately. I poured a big cup of coffee and settled down to dive deep into God's word. After praying and reading some scripture, my 15 year old came down stairs to tell me she had just thrown up and that she didn't feel good. I thought no not today!!! Please Lord!!
Sometimes when I wake up, I pray for God to give me the strength and the love that I need to love my girls the way they deserve to be loved. Having three girls and two of them being teenagers is like trying to break wild horses... I am amazed at how strong willed they are, and how much they enjoy feeding their flesh!!! This world is so intoxicating to them.
Not knowing God until around 5 years ago has hurt me more than just the old relationships in my life where I have held onto my costume closet. I feel that it has affected my children as well. Even though my children were young when we started making God our priority, I sometimes feel I wasted very important years of their life not knowing him. I always believed in him and feared him. I said prayers with the girls etc. I used God like a shopping mall, only going to look for him when I needed something. It was like buying a new outfit for a special occasion. I only called on God when I had a crisis in my life.
This is one of the saddest parts of my past, because if He had come back during that time in my life He would have said those words that still make me cry today; "DEPART FROM ME, I NEVER KNEW YOU." It is so hard for me to even hear those words today, it breaks my heart for people I know , friends that I have that are in the same place that I myself have been.
So after my daughter went back upstairs to bed, I decided to try again to spend time with God. It wasn't long when the phone rang and my daughter who is in elementary school was in the nurse's station with a temp of 102.4 and throwing up. I could have cried!!! I wanted to hang a white sock or something at the end of my driveway on the mail box that said "I GIVE UP". "I SURRENDER". Maybe this is the part of my "heart" work that God is doing in me. She has been so sick lately and of course my flesh is wondering why? why? do parents send their child to school with a fever so my child can catch their virus!!! My 10 year old is the only and the first confirmed flu this year on Aug. 30!!! Can you believe that? And I thought here we go again, it hasn't even been a month since she had the flu. Maybe this is why I am so downcast? Angry? Or maybe God is wanting me to just BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD!!!
As the day went on time just flew by and then my 15 year decides to pick a fight with me and wants to go hang out at a friends house and then go to a young life meeting. I reminded her that she was sick etc. She screamed how it was for a church thing "young life, " and how can I say no to a church thing. She knows that I will cave if it is anything to do with church. Her attitude proceeded to get worse and then her friends pulled up to pick her up. Sean has such a diverse group of friends. I love her friends so much. The friend that was picking her up today is from a different country. I love when all the girls stay at my house on the weekends. On Friday nights they will come home from a football game and run into my room to lay across my bed and talk with me. It is in those moments that are such treasures from God. He opens doors that give me an opportunity to talk with Sean's friends about God. Some of them are from a different religious background. This one young lady that stays at my house a lot I had not met her mom yet. So when they drove up to pick up my child, Sean slammed my front door so hard the glass shook. Well the flesh kicked in and I ran after her screaming for her to come back. I opened the door screaming and running like a crazy woman and then I saw the mom was in the drivers seat; we have never met before. I almost slipped because I was running so fast in socks and it had been raining for 2 days. Here comes this screaming woman out with socks pulled up to my knees in the rain chasing her daughter. Lord help me........ All this time these teenagers come to my house to pick up Sean and not once has there ever been an adult with them. They are all 16 and driving. Here I am supposed to be living my life as an example for Christ and I am running like I am possessed.
What are we "Christians known for?"; "What am I known for?"; Am I living my life so when people look at me they see Jesus? Are you?
1 John 2:6; Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did...
Jesus walked the straight and narrow path. We know how Jesus walked, by his word. What are your actions showing about you? We know what my actions just showed about me! lol
It is so easy to be real at home. This is where we feel safe to lay the masks down.
But our children are watching, our spouse is watching. How do we treat them behind closed doors? How do we respond when we are angry? Hurt?
Psalm 119:1; Blessed are they whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the Lord.....God's word is our guide to living a blameless life. It is our GPS. It is our everything. We can't forget to start this walk in our homes. Just because it is where we are most real, most comfortable. God himself has placed his righteousness in us.
King David was a man after God's own heart. But he was so busy building God's kingdom he neglected to tell his own children the greatness of God. Whoever claims to know Jesus must also live it out at home. I don't want to be that person who has a heart for God and fails to show my family the true greatness of God. It is our responsibility to teach them God's ways by living what we learn in God's word. By the way we react to our own circumstances. Our situations are nothing compared to the awesome promises of God!!!!
(asking for grace today a quiet re post......new teen just moved in; it has been a little crazy)
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