Renew me, O God

Ephesians 2:10;
     For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Psalm 51:10;
     Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.


      I held his hand gently as he squeezed mine. He has a birthday next week- 93 he will be. His wife gone and he is all alone- very independent until this illness. I watched a tear roll down his face as he told me about his life. I listened as he talked. He talked while I fed him each bite. Each bite chewed slowly, but I didn't care. I gave him my all. Showing him that I truly cared. But why is it when I get home, and my three boys eagerly run to me- I push them away, telling them I'm tired?  As they all three talk at once, I tell them to stop- that I have a headache desperately begging for the quiet.
     How is it that I can give my all  to a complete stranger, and deny my own flesh and blood my time?  I don't understand. I know God wants me to witness to the patients I care for- to show them God lives in my heart. But I know with all my being, that my kids need to see that same thing. They need to see God's love through me. But I am living the tired all the time and they are the ones who are not seeing the Jesus in me!

     At the end of the work day sometimes being there for 16 hours- I am drained- empty with nothing else to give. As I walk out of the unit a couple nights ago,  I heard a family screaming- screaming because they just learned that their loved one was dead- who was a wife- a sister- a mother. I had seen her alive only a couple of hours ago, but only on life support. Her family tried to get to the hospital, but did not make it on time. Emotionally I am drained. I tried not to listen to the cries, (but they haunt me) as I walk down the long hallway to leave. I whispered to one of the nurses as I was leaving to call the Chaplin feeling like I had nothing more to give- begging God please let my boys be fast asleep when I get home.
     I pray for strength, to be renewed each day. For God to create in me a pure heart, a caring heart, a loving heart,  not only for strangers, but for my own family. My family needs to see in me what strangers see.
I know God has me where I am for a reason- I see so many close to death- I hear them as they cry out to Jesus as a last resort- What an opportunity to serve God- through serving  others. I am humbled by what I do- but feeling tired----tired of trying so hard to be everything to everyone. Begging God to please - renew me- create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
In his service,
Amy

running hard

As I drove down the road the other day, I began to sing praises to God.
You see, my daughter went to youth camp a little over a week ago and the youth group at our church came home revived and on fire for more of God.  I could feel Him overflowing from their lives, their words, and their actions.  I saw a new child as she brought home that desire for more of Him and began to go after Him in her quiet time.
I began to think about what this world would be like if the Christians that we have in this world RIGHT NOW would get on fire for Him...what would happen?  What type of revival would break out in our nation?Why do we sit on the church pews every Sunday and run as hard as we can away from it when Monday hits?  What gets in our way?
I know....life.
We let this world consume us with its claws and we sit here as it picks us up and swallows us whole.
It's time we get a fire lit up underneath us and start going after Him so that we can see revival hit our nation.
Listen, things in this world are not going to get any easier. SURPRISE!!!  Yes, I said it...we are going to be tried more, we are going to go through more battles in the years to come before our God comes back to take us home.  We need to get our armour on and be ready....
As I drove that day, these words came to me...
More of you Lord
I long to be in your presence
To sit at your feet
To be consumed with your love
To be drawn into your presence and be filled with your being
I long to know you more intimately
I need more of you Lord
I need you more in my life
I need to be in your presence...

I went on in worship to my Father as I sang praises to Him and spent time with Him...but you see, it cannot end there...these words have to go deeper than our lips...we must get it in our soul.  It must consume our thoughts.

If we meditate on Him day and night, He will become a part of our lives.  If we spend time at His feet in adoration and worship, He will consume us with His presence. 

Let's stop walking around in our little boxes and let's go after God.  I am...I want to see revival fire hit my city, our schools, our neighborhoods, our homes, our families, our churches, and our nation.

TURN YOUR EYES UPON JESUS
LOOK FULL IN HIS WONDERFUL FACE
AND THE THINGS OF EARTH WILL GROW STRANGELY DIM
IN THE LIGHT OF HIS GLORY AND GRACE...
Here is a link from our church youth at Camp Overflow....enjoy...
Blessings,
Jennifer
http://youtu.be/E5ZkuqARWEE

Wanting to learn to bend even lower

I walked in fast and hard to work on Saturday....I prayed the long on the way in......committing my trust to the king......wanting so badly to die to self.

I didn't notice the rooms I was assigned.....unsure of how I missed it after all it was just last week when I couldn't take it in those particular rooms the anymore...................it wasn't until everyone was rushing past me to their assignment saying, "So you drew the short straw today?"

"How did that happen to you again after last week?"

It was then I looked up and realized...............that I was back to the same assignment that I had myself removed from the week before.

     I smiled a faint kind of smile and slid into my seat and took a deep breath. Mumbled quietly to the others that I could do anything for 12 hours because I would be the gone tomorrow headed to the beach for a week.

As I got report the nurse described the mom as "hanging the Dr's by their toes," which was putting it lightly.......the other nurses said, "this is a one-day assignment only" so how did you get so unlucky?

I cringed at the thought of what I would have to endure for the day knowing that it would be far from easy.

     I just kept breathing trying to breath in grace....I wanted some kind of super-natural solution to run, or escape the assignment. I sat there in silence for what seemed like eternity...........with the no words.......and with the desire to run.

It was then that I could hear Him whisper to my heart:

"Robbie, do you LOVE me?"

I am thinking to myself of course I love you.

I kept telling myself to bend the lower................if I don't bend the lower then how?  how can he come in?

If I don't give the all of me how? how can he be magnified? 

We have a Saviour who came to be a servant............and it's the me who claims that I want to see His face.....seeing His face is only seen when I BEND even lower.

Bending the lower to wipe the vomit from the floor.

bending the lower to wipe the feces that is all over the patient and the bed.

bending the lower to put my arm around a women (the mom) who talks the mean to everyone...

telling her it's the OK to the one who screams and cusses at all medical staff. I keep looking to see if I can see the Him in her......I mumble under my breath, "help me Jesus."

help me to bend a little lower to surrender.........surrender my pride...........surrender my need to be the right............and allow her CONTROL........realizing that control is the only thing she has left..........her child who was born with multiple handicaps..........the mom who has sacrificed the everything........the child who has been well cared for. The mom whose wounds are the deep.........the bleeding kind.........she is the broken............ Her problems seem the unsolvable..........and I realize that it is this LIFE that sometimes can pierce us the hard.....make us seem  unreachable........it is God himself that has to place His love in us. I can't solve the world's problems although wanting to....she has been dealt the hard...........but  I have to keep  trying not giving up......trying to bring the ones to heaven who are the hardened.... from the life that has not been the kind.

I whisper it again..............'help me please.................help me father show your badge of love."

We can't give up even when everybody else has washed their hands.....this women is a person and God loves her as much as He loves me. And He doesn't want anyone to perish. And when I stand before Him what is it that He will ask me? Did I try harder? Did I love the unlovable? Did I talk to the one no-one wanted to be around? Did I show her His badge? His badge of LOVE?

     Dying to self ....opens you up to be the vulnerable..........to be the hated but also giving us the opportunity to be the servant.  Isn't that what Jesus himself came to be? He who washed the feet of His disciples the night before He gave His very own life? Even washing the feet of Judas the very one who would protray Him. He came to this Earth to SERVE. So how much more should we bend to serve even the ones who want to hate us?

     Humbling ourselves gives us the opportunity to wear HIS badge of love that only comes from God. What an honor to bend the lower..........to spend a little of thy self on the others for the one who bent the lowest to die hanging on a cross for the all of us.

     It is was me who asked my kids to bend the lower to step out of their Babylon world for a few weeks to share their everything with a girl who has the nothing.

So why is it that I am having the hard swallowing my pride and to act like I don't know the anything just to give this mom a last chance to CONTROL!!!!! To control the only thing she has left to tell us the staff what to do.

All the while;

Jesus is whispering to me..............."Robbie daughter of the King of the Most High," Do you LOVE me?

and I humbly answer with my eyes squinted tight praying that it doesn't hurt saying, "yes father I love you,"

and He so gently speaks to my heart and says....."then feed my sheep!"

Jesus our God who loved us enough to became fully man who came to earth only to be a servant.

He who asked the Father to take this cup from him "not my will but your will."  He who drew the short straw but was not allowed to change His assignment so He bent the lowest of the low. He who sweat blood to humbly give up His everything for us and our messy lives..........so how much can we give up of ourselves for others?  For the ones who are not the pretty?  For the ones that don't know God?  For the ones who can sometimes be the really mean?  How much can we give of ourselves?  For the one who gave US his all.

Jesus is asking us all; "DO YOU LOVE ME?" "THEN GO AND FEED MY SHEEP!" (wear His badge of LOVE) it is the only thing that shows this lost and dying world that Jesus is real.

Praying to be bent even lower...........longing for the presence of the King....wanting so badly to see His face.

Knowing that the lower I bend the more I am going to see His face.

all of grace,

Robbie

GAPS IN OUR FAITH

                  (a quiet repost while I enjoy my family at the beach)

     This weekend was exhausting to say the least. I worked Saturday in Trauma ICU for 13 hours in a level one trauma hospital... It seems that Charlotte has a very high crime rate, higher than NY. It did seem that way Saturday. I have never seen so many young people laying in hospital beds for things that were self-inflicted. But my patient was an elderly lady who had been struck by a car on her morning walk.. So very sad. This lady, according to family and friends, was an amazing person. They said she was self-less, always doing for others. She loved her family, and she loved God.. and now she is suffering from a horrific accident that may take her life.
On Wednesday mornings I attend "Women of the Word" at my church. Our leader is an amazing lady with a love for God that makes us all want what she has. She got a phone call on Tuesday afternoon, the day before we meet to have bible study. I didn't know this at the time but her son was a missionary in Africa. The phone call was from the American Embassy. She was told that her son was dead at the age of 26 years old. They gave no explanation why. This is where some of my Gaps in my Faith are. This is where I struggle!
There are kids that die everyday in this world from horrible accidents. There are loved ones that are diagnosed with a terminal illness and die. There are tragedies happening all around us. It makes us want to cry out WHY? Why does the Lord allow certain horrible things to take place? With one breath, with one word He, who created the earth in 7 days, could stop any tragedy, He could heal any sickness. He could do away with death. So WHY? Why doesn't he?
I was looking over my notes from church on Sunday. We have been studying 1 Thessalonians for a couple of weeks which is dealing with Faith, Trials and Tribulations, and all the things that test US and our FAITH!!! Pastor pointed out that all of us have a Gap in our faith! Think about that for a moment. Where do you struggle in your faith? Oh how I wish I could hear your thoughts on this one. Please, Please, PLEASE leave me a comment on what some of your struggles are when it comes to Faith!
When dealing with affliction and distress we are supposed to be comforted by our FAITH.. Did you know that? We are to walk by FAITH not by SIGHT. If we don't walk by FAITH then everything we do is in vain........ It is like turning around and looking at God and saying; "I DON'T BELIEVE.."
One reason we have GAPS in our FAITH is because we turn things over to God and in the next minute we take it back trying to handle things ourselves.. We think we can fix it!!! Anybody? Listen to me girls: WE HAVE TO LET GOD BE GOD!!! When we can't let God be God then reality becomes clear - WE DON'T TRUST GOD!!!
We live in a fallen world and some people are going to experience tragedy. There will be parents who will lose a child. There will be people who lose a spouse to an accident, illness, etc. We ourselves might have some major health problems to deal with.
People look at people who are Christians or who are in ministry and shake their heads with disbelief and scream: "If your God was so GOOD, then WHY? Why would He allow these horrible things to happen?????"
This is where people like me step in and FEEL like we have to explain GOD!!!!!
God did not die on the cross for me or for you to try and explain him.... He didn't say "MAKE ME LOOK GOOD..." Have you ever felt like you had to make God look good to someone? I know I have....
Isaiah 55:8: For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways.......
We would be foolish to think we understand God!!!His knowledge and wisdom are far greater than mans.. This is where man tries to fit God into a box and mold him into what they think He is....Instead we should be striving to fit into his plans. This is what separates the real Christian from the fake Christian..
When people come to us hurting and looking for an answer, we should say
"NO I don't UNDERSTAND God... I can't explain Him.. But I know this: GOD IS GOOD.....And HE HAS A PLAN!" He didn't say "make me look good, " He said PROCLAIM ME!!! Proclaim me during your trials.. Trials are part of walking with Jesus.. Pain is part of the package. Pain will weed out the authentic Christians from the fake ones. This is when our gaps will start to close and it is a painful process!!! Suffering produces Patience!! When we go through trials it qualifies us to help someone else! When we are broken spiritually that is when God will get the Glory!! He will teach us who He is during our trials. And once we start to understand the characteristics of God, everyone and everything can come crashing down around us and we will remain standing... He will burn off the fake!!! He will burn away all the impurities, all the stuff that gets in the way of you and Him...
Trial's are not something happening to us, it is God working in us....And guess what? You are never closer to God than when you are in the trial!!!
Psalm 9:9-10;
The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you..................
To forsake someone means to abandon that person. God's promise doesn't mean that if we trust in him we will not go through suffering or loss. It means that God himself will never LEAVE you.. No matter what you are facing.... NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU!!!!!!!!!
Saturday night Sean, my 15 year old, missed getting home before curfew. She called around 12:30 am that night. We were both screaming in the phone trying to figure out where she was. When we couldn't get a clear answer from her my husband insisted she hang up and text him the address where she was so he could come and get her. (big mistake; don't ever let them get off the phone with you) Once they hung up we never received a text and was unable to reach her again by phone etc. for a short time. She was with some friends that are not her normal group which I think made things even worse. The friend she was with would not answer her phone either. We had no contact information for the girls' parents. All we could do was continue calling Sean and pray. I felt like I could not breath and then it was like pure panic enveloped me. My body started shaking and I felt this coldness all around me. It was paralyzing fear from thinking about the "what ifs" and the unknown of where and what my child was doing. My husband was pacing the driveway hoping that she would come home. Being a critical care nurse I was starting to have these thoughts that something had gone terribly wrong.
Then the phone rang and it was the dad of the girl Sean was with. He said the girls were now safe and at his house. This was the best news we could hear. We were so confused and didn't understand what was going on, but our child was safe. ( Praise you Lord!!!) Did I stop and trust? No, I went right in to panic and unbelief. My husband went to get her at 2 am. As I waited anxiously for him to bring her home, I just sat in my room in silence. Then it hit me that He, God himself, was right there with me the whole time. He is where his children are. He is in the same place He has always been. 'ON THE THRONE!!!!'
When it is the most miserable time in our lives. When we are sitting in a church for a funeral service for a loved one and we see the family walking in, with tears streaming down their faces. It is He, God himself who leads the way. It is He, God, who is walking in front of them leading the way. It is He, God, standing right there with us breaking us free from bondage that has held on to us for so long. We have to Trust Him and know Him enough to know that He is there...never leaving us and never forsaking us, but there waiting on us to lean on Him and ask Him to guide our next steps, our next reaction. He wants to fill the Gap, and only He can if we allow him too.
Trying to learn to talk to God when I am in the fire. I want God to fill the gaps of my faith, one hole at a time, until my path to Him is a smoother one to walk on.
all of grace,
Robbie

July 4th

In June 1776- representatives from the 13 colonies fought  for their freedom- a freedom that would declare them free from Great Britain.
Frances Scott Key- a lawyer witnessed a miracle in 1776- After numerous attacks- the American Flag stood- this event inspired him to write the Star Spangled Banner........
                                                        The Star Spangled Banner
Oh, say, can you see, by the dawn's early light. What so proudly we hailed at the twilight's  last gleaming? Whose broad stripes and bright starts, thro' the perilous fight, o'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming, and the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof thro' the night, that OUR flag was still there. Oh, say, does that star spangled banner yet wave, o'er the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Freedom is not free.... Many lost their lives for our freedom. Celebrate them and "One Nation under God"

Our land can be healed through Jesus Christ-    Humble yourselves
                                                                        Pray
                                                                        Seek Jesus
                                                                        Turn from wicked ways
    "It will be then that we will hear from heaven, and our land will be healed".

Pray for your country today
Amy

Weekends are for singing praises to the King

     Our 5th year with this precious child of God from Belarus....she comes here in the Summer for a couple of months for fresh air and a second family who loves her.  While she is here she is able to receive medical care, eye care and she even gets to go to a dentist!
     She who has no running water....she who doesn't even have a mattress to sleep on.....she who has no bathroom and who has to walk an hour to school everyday in snow that sometimes comes up to your waist.

     Praising God this weekend for people like Ginger and Keith!!!  It is the Ginger whose heart is pumping His love through her very veins........... she recognizes the nudging from the most high.... she is the obedient......so she sends the most amazing email ever and provides a way for this child of God to be with the us......And when we stand before the throne: 
The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ (Matthew 25:40)


     The sisters who have been with her since she was the 7......"Katya," who lived the first 5 years of her life in an orphanage......then the parents who took the classes to get her back and who loved her enough to enroll her in this amazing program......ABRO (American Belarus Relief Organization)  http://www.abro.org/

The once emptiness is now singing her praises to the King.

May all your weekend wanderings be one of singing your praises to the King.

¹⁵ Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”(Mark 10:15)

all is grace,

Robbie

HE SPEAKS.........

 Working on a towel for our precious child who lives with us in the summer from Belarus....... 

"GOD WILL SPEAK TO THE HEARTS of those who prepare themselves to hear; and conversely, those who do not so prepare themselves will hear nothing even though the Word of God is falling upon their very ears every Sunday...." -A.W. Tozer.
Do you ever feel like your relationship with God is one-sided? I talk and He listens. Do you ever feel like your circumstances of life are starting to close in on you, and you keep praying with no response? Would it amaze you to know that God is speaking and moving on your behalf even when He is silent?
     "If we come to him doubting His ability to speak, we will have a difficult time listening. So we must come expectantly" (Charles Stanley)
     We, God's children, are supposed to approach the throne boldly and in expectancy!
I have battled this exact thing with God these last few days. In fact months. I have been praying and praying for confirmation on which bible study to do next. For the past several years God has burned a hole in my heart for every bible study, and I have immediately known which study to choose. But this time I took my eyes off of Him. I was looking from one side to another. I was looking up and down. I was looking everywhere except to Jesus, everywhere except in His eyes. Christian friends kept telling me, "Be Still" and "Be Patient." I kept saying "I am, I am" while spending time praying. I even started having anxiety over it. I thought "Has He left me? Have I done something wrong? Is He mad at me?". I started praying more and more about all of my ugly sins. Even the ones I had already asked for forgiveness for, thinking maybe they were the problem. It was almost like I was having to start over again back at square one. Then I had these thoughts that maybe I just couldn't do this anymore. I was tired, drained and pulled in so many directions. Then I thought that just maybe I had not been called by God for any of this. But the entire time God was taking His hands and grabbing my face and whispering"Look at me Robbie. Look at me. I am right here above all of your anxiety, above all of your fears. Look at me Robbie. I am up here on higher ground."

Sometimes you have to get to higher ground and away from your circumstances. You sometimes need a better view! That's when you remove yourself and take your focus off of you.

My eyes were actually focused on everything in this world except....yes, you guessed it, God. The amazing thing now looking back is that He kept whispering. And here I was with my crazy schedule, three demanding daughters, attempting to be the wife God has called me to be, the ministry classes I am in, the monogramming I do on the side, the long 14 hour days of nursing in a critical care setting...I could go on and on AND I couldn't focus on the one thing that matters the most, BUT yet God was still moving, still speaking, still whispering.
I had carefully picked out an alternative, instead of WAITING on God and not moving until I received what it was FROM HIM. Satan may not be creative, but he can be very effective......if we allow him to be.

My eyes were totally focused on my circumstances, and I had stopped looking for God's answer. If we truly value God's word and believe it, then we should not MOVE until we receive divine direction. We live in a world where it is instant gratification! We want God's plan ASAP! I know I do. I was actually depending on myself to pick out the study, even as I was asking for God's opinion the entire time and knowing I was going to pick out what I felt was the right one.
Praise His precious name that God never grows tired. He showed me today that we must remove ourselves from the craziness of our lives. Get away with Him on higher ground so that we can FOCUS our eyes on Him. Take our eyes off of our own circumstances, so we can BE STILL. Then be obedient.
So why is it so hard to wait on God? Our eyes are focused on our own circumstances. His hands are holding your face in His hands. Stop looking all around at you and your life. Look at Him and you just might hear him whisper "I Love You. I have the answer to your prayer."
The Hebrew word for Stand is AMAD which means "To Endure". Be determined to Stand and wait until you hear from God and ENDURE!

WAIT FOR THE LORD
BE STRONG, AND
LET YOUR HEART
TAKE COURAGE
YES, WAIT FOR THE LORD....Psalm 27:14

all is grace,
Robbie


(a quiet repost; packing for the beach for a week with 4 girls and 3 dogs! The car ride is going to be fun!)