wreckless and seeking

Do not forget in the darkness what you have been promised in the light.

"Praying is no easy matter. It demands a relationship in which you allow someone other than yourself to enter into the very center of your person, to see there what you would rather leave in the darkness, and to touch there what you would rather leave untouched."

Henri Nouwen

It all happens so easily......rough days several in a row and I forget......... it is me who has been called by the most high to see suffering...............the kind that breaks you.......leaves you feeling bare and exposed. Your heart peeled back a couple of layers............the layers where the flesh is fresh and the wounds hurt.  Yes I ask myself WHY? Why do I do this.........even at times putting myself in danger when the contaminated blood flies high? 

It is then that I hear it in my heart............I do it for JESUS!

 Is it that I FORGET?  Forget WHY I am doing it? I think sometimes WOW it would have been so nice to be called to be a Beth Moore!! lol

But instead..........HE called me to be the one to wipe the vomit and the feces off the floor and the patient........He called me to take care of the HIV patient who is having seizures and throws punches and his own blood at me!!!!! Yes and for a moment I do forget...........forget who it is that I really am?

²⁹ For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him, (Philippians 1:29)

I do it for Jesus.........because He himself came and did it for me! He being God himself made himself nothing but a humble SERVANT.

Servant= discipline= obedience= "disciple"

Obedient.............even to his death hanging on a cross.

Who am I? I am called.........to be a servant to the ones that sometimes the world rejects

and when I am scared...........when you are scared breath...............breath in more of his grace.....and just say His name.............JESUS.........the only name that matters.

When the contaminated blood started to fly..........the fear that enveloped me............he was in real danger of hurting himself......... at 200 or more pounds and 6 foot 4...........I was in real danger too.

It was then that I looked at the other nurse helping me....she was holding one of his arms with half of a restraint left and me with the other it was then I said start SINGING...................sing Jesus loves me!

And so we did......and within seconds the patient stopped..................stopped trying to fight us and closed his eyes and listened to us sing. We had to keep singing until help arrived (and let me just say I can't carry a tune !!!!)

So knowing that in this life that there can be dark places.................. places we have been led and sometimes it is in those dark places where the fear tries to stand up and grab you but if you listen closely you just might hear Jesus whisper......................"the one who has called you is faithful."

And it is then that I realize instead of asking," who am I really?" or "what on earth am I doing?"..........it is time to ask myself...........am I WILLING?................WILLING TO GO?

where the Lord's plans take me? Even if it puts my life at risk?

Love................is the greatest commandment of all................LOVE EACH OTHER!

When you love the unlovable you are loving Jesus.

When you feed the hungry you are feeding Jesus.

When you cloth the one who has the nothing...........you cloth Jesus.

God is asking US to share to the world where sometimes people have never felt LOVE or don't feel loved now due to diseases............illnesses................disfigurements.

How much............how much can we the one's who blend in with the world show LOVE to those who know no love?

all is grace,

Robbie

blessed...

                          

     The other day I had downloaded a new app to my phone that is The Message Bible.  I love this version of the bible because it makes it easy to read it in "our" language. I like to read my Today's New International Version, but sometimes when things are confusing for me, I love to go to The Message version and read it in that version.  So, today as we sat on the bed I "opened" up my app to The Message and began to read Matthew 5. 

The whole chapter is one of my favorites in the bible, but there was one scripture today that really stood out.

Matthew 5:10 "You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution.  The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom."

I know that I want to go deeper into God's kingdom, so I began to dissect the scripture.  What does it mean to be committed?  And then, what does it mean to "provoke persecution"?

I began to search through commentaries to find root words and read some other interpretations. 

I came upon one commentary that broke the scripture down in more of an explanatory sense. 
This is how this particular scripture was described...."Christians are a people who seek peace, but they expect persecution because their character stands so frighteningly different than the rest of the world" (http://www.atone.me/).

The Today's New International Version reads "Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Righteousness means "right standing with God".

The Greek word for persecution is dioko/diogmos, which in this scripture verse means to bring to judgment or punishment.

It is normally not natural to want to be persecuted, to want to be judged or punished for our actions...BUT do our actions give us the reward of the Kingdom of God? 

What I want to leave with you today is that we must be committed, willing to give it our all, stick it out even through the tough times, and be entirely sold out to God.  And in return we may get poked fun at, called names, even beaten for our beliefs, but there is a promise that makes it all worth it...God's kingdom.  He deserves our all.

I love spending time with my children and especially time where we can read the word of God and talk about it.  But it is scriptures like these that really encourage and direct us (and for our teen population today there is a lot of direction that needs to be given)....but this is not just for them...it is for all of us.  There is direction in this chapter in Matthew that helps guide us, answers questions that lurk in the back of your head, and that allows us to be transformed through the studying and seeking of the one who created them...(we must) meditate on His law day and night (Psalm 1:2).

If you have children I encourage you to read the bible with them, spend time breaking it down and explaining so they can understand it.  If you are married, spend time with your spouse reading the word and sharing thoughts with each other.  If you are single, spend time reading and digging into the scriptures finding the definitions of those words that you sometimes overlook for lack of knowing the true meaning. 

His word is here to guide us, strengthen us, restore us, change us to become more like Him....we must open it for these things to happen.

I pray for God's word (whatever scripture, whatever chapter, and whatever interpretation) to become alive in you today...to penetrate deep down to the core of your heart and take residence there...to bring you to change in your life and in your walk...to bring you joy and happiness in the searching of it and seeking of Him through it.  I pray for us all to be transformed into His image through the change that will occur in the studying of His word and the seeking of His face.

Read His word...

Seek His face...

Commit to Him...

Withstand persecution...

Be blessed...

 

                                                     

Jennifer

scales on our eyes

Acts 9: 10-19;

17 Then Ananias went to the house and entered it. Placing his hands on Saul, he said, “Brother Saul, the Lord—Jesus, who appeared to you on the road as you were coming here—has sent me so that you may see again and be filled with the Holy Spirit.” 18 Immediately, something like scales fell from Saul’s eyes, and he could see again. He got up and was baptized, 19 and after taking some food, he regained his strength.

     Do we really want the scales to fall from our very own eyes? I walk into my patients room in a hurry with all that lies ahead for me in the day. I put her breakfast in front of her and I notice she is the sweating hard. I ask her what is the wrong as she says the nothing....knowing that she is in her late 70's and fell from a roof trying to clean out her own gutters. Her bones are the broken all throughout her body. They just removed the breathing tube the day before. I stare deep into her eyes and YES I see His face. I wonder how this could be His plan? Knowing that life can be the unfair. I ask her why she is crying? She says that she can't feed herself and no-one has turned on the television for her so she has been sitting in the silence for days.
     I said where is your family? She tells me as the tears stream down her face, "I have no family!" (the husband has been dead for 20 years and she was the unable to have children) I feel my eyes to start the sting the sting of her pain that is the written all over her face.
     She sits the broken and it's the me who feels like I am staring at the face of Jesus....through all the lines on her face that looks as though she is the older than she is. I murmur is there the anything I can get you? She looks up at me with those tired eyes and says "a family," I gently lay my head on her chest and the tears stream down my face and I tell her "I will be your family!" I weep wanting so badly to take her pain away...to make it the better! Whispering; "god please, take her pain away."
     As I stand up and look her in the eyes I take my hand and gently lift her chin up and I ask her so gently "do you know Jesus?" Seeing in her eyes that the hurt is much deeper than just the broken bones in her body....she is the broken. She tells me how she is ready to see the husband that she gave up so many years ago and doesn't want to live the alone anymore. I take my hand and slip it into hers and hold it while she talks.....she tells me she is a believer but she is the lonely and can't do it the anymore. I put off my work for the morning to just sit and listen....thinking that maybe she just needs to be the heard.
     I tell her that it's Jesus who understands more than we will ever understand. After all he is the one who sent His only Son! I ask her if I can humbly pray with her and she says the yes...... I quietly ask for the peace that only the "King of Kings can give." She smiles a quaint little smile and says she would like to practice her breathing exercises now so she want have to be put back on the breathing machine. I dry my eyes and say yes that is a good idea. Her neck is broken as well so the brace makes it the hard. But I can see the determination in her eyes that just maybe she has a faint little hope to hold on to. I tell her to breath in and blow out and the Incentive Spirometer only registers 500! I clap and say, "that is a start and not to give up."  I tell her we are going to have a great day and we will start by praising His name together today!
     
     Sometimes seeing the world through the lens of God can be over-whelming.......even painful at times.......but most of all feeling "love."  Love for complete strangers.....strangers that become family! 
Who's needs a family? "I will be your family!" Wanting so badly to see Jesus...
     And if I don't bend the lower......how? how can He come in? If I don't give the all of me, how? How will He be magnified? If this precious lady needs a family how much I am willing to sacrifice? Sacrifice the drive to help her out every week? Yes I see the broken and yes I am the broken but I see redemption....."My redeemer lives!" I see him......in the lines on her face!!!! In the worn out and the lonely....I see him!
    
all is grace,
Robbie


thankful for:
faith to believe
past mercies
calmness
the power of His love
forgiveness of sins
softening heart
power to endure
 rain
my sister-n-law
birds that build a nest in my plants
our precious child from Belarus who lives with us every summer
 mission trips for my girls
 laughter throughout the house
 the middle child who texts how she is missing us
sisters that miss each other
Vacation Bible School
packing for Beach
coffee
early morning prayer with the King
long walks to think
learning to find joy in everything
for a God who took on flesh
for shutting my mouth
husband who is noisy







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(asking for your grace today; quiet repost...)

Prayer

A Refuge..........a quiet place I sometimes go before dawn to sit in silence with the King. Prayer it is the key to unlocking mysteries.

Through prayer God will:
- reveal himself to you (Ex. 33:13)
- sustains through difficulties (Ps. 55:22)
- Strengthens in weariness (Isa. 40:28-31)
- gives understanding (Jer. 33:3)
- fills with courage (Ps. 138:2-3)
- builds faith (Jude 1:20)
- satisfies with joy (Ps. 63:1-8)

O Word made flesh, speak through us:  words that bring new life.


     "Prayer is the light of the spirit, and the spirit, raised up to heaven by prayer, clings to God with the utmost tenderness. Like a child crying tearfully for its mother, it craves the milk that God provides. Prayer also stands before God as an honored ambassador. It gives joy to the spirit, peace to the heart. I speak of prayer, not words. It is the longing for God, love too deep for words, a gift not given by humans, but by God's grace."

John Chrysostom (c. 347-407)


Prayer brings forth Faith.
Faith pleases God.
Faith stirred by grace does the deed.
Faith will bring you closer to the King.



Seek and ye shall find.
Knock and the door will be opened.

Try something new this week.........meet with him before the dawn breaks.
Tell him of your bruises from life........tell him your hearts desires. Sit a spell in silence.......letting the clutter of this world leave you. Pour more of yourself out so He can fill you.

Seek Him= It will connect your prayer life with responsible action in pursuing the will of God. (ESV- Matthew 7:7)

His grace is at the heart of our faith............whispering more..........more of your grace please.
Pursue Him you want be disappointed.....Prayer does change things.

all is grace,
Robbie

Jesus is Faithful

I say it endlessly....prayerfully.......Who am I really?

But do I really want to know?

It always starts out so good with the praises to the king....it is then I enter into the lion's den....into this race called......life.....and just like that I fall.

What was it that made Peter.........deny the king?

Matthew 26:69-75

Peter Disowns Jesus

⁶⁹ Now Peter was sitting out in the courtyard, and a servant girl came to him. “You also were with Jesus of Galilee,” she said. ⁷⁰ But he denied it before them all. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said.
⁷¹ Then he went out to the gateway, where another servant girl saw him and said to the people there, “This fellow was with Jesus of Nazareth.”
⁷² He denied it again, with an oath: “I don’t know the man!”
⁷³ After a little while, those standing there went up to Peter and said, “Surely you are one of them; your accent gives you away.”
⁷⁴ Then he began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know the man!”
Immediately a rooster crowed. ⁷⁵ Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly.

     Darkness can rise out of normal looking day...........so why is it me who is shocked when the hissing of the serpent grows so loud that a cold chill runs up my spine?.............. Could it be that he slid his way right beside me...........and baited me to take the fall?

     Where was my courage when the serpent snared me with his bait...........I bit it like I had never seen grace. Where was my courage to grab hold of the one who was the slaughtered lamb that covers my sins..........by His redeeming blood.  Where do I go from here? Me the one who tried to deny the King! Oh how I relate to Peter.....me with all my passion and no brains.....I want to walk on water.........to run to him to jump into his lap to hold on for dear life but who am I really?  Am I the woman with unclean lips who claims to know the king.......but coming toe to toe with Satan I almost swallowed my tongue.

     It was the shiny gold necklace that was hand carved for me in Israel.........it dangled from my neck as if to say see if you can read...........it was the Dr. the highest in the South-East....top surgeon.........top smarts..........top of the world you see............it was he who cornered the one who claims to know the King, and said:   "Is that Hebrew around your neck?"  My heart was beating faster because I could feel what was coming  next...........I knew He was from a different side of the world..........a different culture from me...........I quietly murmured.."yes," and his tongue whipped out hard and fast........"what does it say?"   I stood there fumbling for the words to come but nothing came.........my palms were sweating and my mind was racing 90 to nothing trying the hard to think of a lie, I didn't want conflict...........I wanted to blend in.........to be liked........respected!!! By what a man?  Was I actually looking for the praises of a man? But God is faithful.........even when we are not!
 Before I could form a lie on my tongue the words fell out of my mouth "Yahweh." (In our weakness He is strong)....."Your-way," he yelled back at me............I sat there in disbelief.............and mumbled it back quietly........"Yahweh."  "I am a Christian...........Yahweh is one of the names of God."
"Oh.............he says.........your one of those?" "One of those I said back?" He said; "Yes you are one of those......guilt ridden religions!"  I was in shock...........felt like I had just met Satan..........with my head hanging the low I said if that's what you want to call me then YES I am one of those.

     I ran out of the room feeling like I had just had several layers of my heart peeled back.... standing there bare and exposed............."where was my courage?"   Courage of knowing that I am engraved in the palm of my saviors hands.............it was then the sting of tears started to fall and I wanted to scream but like Peter I wept bitterly.
 God is spirit............He is the ever present God.  And He didn't even allow me to deny him!
Where was my faithfulness?  We are called to a higher calling?   Being faithful with the little that has been entrusted to me should come the easy...........He is faithful even when we are not.
     Is it just me with my rebellious self..............not thinking I have enough?  Enough Grace?  Enough love? Enough mercy?  Don't we have Jesus? Then Jesus is ENOUGH!!!!!!
     The one who calls you is faithful...................even when we can't find the words.........he speaks for us.................when we can't pray...............He prays for us..............when we are the tired........He says; "take my yoke, for my burden is easy and light."
Jesus is always enough.
     So I will BREATH.........breath in His grace over and over again until He fills me up with His presence. I will put one foot in front of the other and know that I am loved..........redeemed........saved.........adored.......bought...........treasured.........by the one who is the FAITHFUL!

all of grace,
Robbie
    
    

so thankful;
rain
the smell of clean hair
waxed eyebrows
a neighbors car alarm going off at 5am
new attitudes on life
no longer watching the news
prayer time
hunger for more of him
a God who is faithful even when I am not

Faith

I want Fall to come so badly that sometimes I think I can smell it.

Bike rides and drinking lemonade............trying to drink contentment in every season.

Ready for the leaves to fall like God's grace........ candles burning that smell like fall.

Longing for a real fire burning bright into the night.

As the world keeps turning people keep aching...............disaster after disaster keep coming.......it is me who sees the world in pain...........her contractions are growing stronger and closer together.

And it is the me who sometimes pleads with God that I don't want to do this anymore! I don't want to be this person anymore who works the hard to save and they die anyway. I don't want to stand by and watch a parent lose a child.......or a child a parent! I don't want to tell another person that his ways are not our ways......trust.

Maybe it's the me who doesn't really trust? Afraid to to trust what He will bring my way the next!

Me with my ugly sins.........all of my shortcomings.....it is then that I cry out to God;

"help me with any area of my unbelief..........pour me out so you can pour more of you in."

I murmur it queitly........."God is not a God of fear."

But do I really believe that?

.

The world keeps spinning,  and pain keeps coming........ and who am I the broken mama, friend, sister, wife.............choosing NOT to see the Holy all around and I wonder, " if I could just grab a hold.......of His cloak..........something tanglable........would I then be able to really SEE?

We could walk afraid you and I if we listen...........to the hissing of the enemies..........LIES...........he will tell us.... but only if we listen.

Instead listen to the holy one:

"Ye of so little Faith," the Saviour tells me!"   SEEK GOD........God is enough!

Some days people die, and loved ones are crushed....and some can't quit there addictions. Some want  take medicine that could save their lives. Some days the hurt of it all blinds my vision and I forget that every moment is a reason to praise the King! If only I could truly see.

Hardships were the many the other day in the ICU........including the loosing of loved ones from  devastating illnesses.  It was the 83 year old father that caught my attention!  The man who was the blind but claims he can see........because there is a God who is good!

He who sat:  listening as his son was dying.............he who cannot see looked at me as if he were starring a hole right through me, and simply says:  "God knows best," (with the tears that stung his face, "don't think this doesn't hurt me!")

Who is this God that his ways are not our ways, and his thoughts are not our thoughts:

He is one who wore the badge of humility. He who asked for the cup to be passed from him only if it was the Father's will. (Mark 14:35) Our Savior fully God, and human knows sorrow, and death....to the point that He sweated blood!

I whisper it again, "who is he?"

His bravery in face of  His own suffering

His humility of bearing it all to the end

His steadiness of purpose in keeping to His appointed task

His simplicity

His self-discipline

His serenity of spirit

His complete reliance upon Thee, His Father in Heaven

not my will Father but yours..........(can we follow His lead?) 

I saw a man who could follow Jesus' lead an 83 year old blind man.......... who wore Humility like a badge of courage.

The courage to go anywhere, to do anything........asking for this cup to be taken from him only if it was the Father's will. There was Faith......Trust.........and isn't that what the Father is looking for?

 Because he wore humility there was no fear...........pain yes but fear no.

Humility= Courage= Obedience

Are we the ones walking by Faith?...........Isn't that what will get God off His throne?

Good church activities are not the impressive...............What will move the King is simple..............."Child Like Faith!"

Remembering that every moment is Holy only if we choose to see.

Faith pleases God.....(Hebrews 11:6)............and Faith is the victory that overcomes all your hurts.

Walk by Faith and not by Sight! Nothing moves Him more. The invisible Christ will NOT fail you.

In spite of everything around you.................there is GOD!

all of grace,

Robbie

When the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?” (Luke 18:8)

Gifts that keep on coming:

unmade beds

unfinished sewing projects

crumbs on counter

art projects for the teens

garbage disposal broken again

bathroom sink clogged

clean clothes

cooler weather

movie night with teens

swinging on front porch

organizing life

long walks with dog

Friday night football games

late night talks with teens

grace

conviction

a chance to look into the eyes of Jesus

being a servant

seeing the hard moments as holy

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"Blessings" by Laura Story

Sometimes we need to be reminded.... That God is in control....
His WILL is for us to prosper, not fail..... His plan is not ours..... So get out of the pilot seat- and let the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Yahweh- take control!
Thank you Father for reminding me- through your word- or even through a song- that you love us- that you love me! And you want the best for us- not for this life, but for the life to come- when we are forever with our Father! One thing that we must remember- is that our blessings- our rewards may not come from this world, blessings that are given to us when we lay our crown at Jesus' feet. My reward will be when he calls MY NAME.... from the Lambs Book of Life.... WOW what a day that will be.
Enjoy this song- It brings tears to my eyes every time
Amy