"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."
"Grant me a willing spirit"
" Guard your steps"
"Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God."
"God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few."
I remember several times growing up- during a hard time- I needed God. I did not realize it then, but my spirit longed for God. I would open my bible and look at the pages. I looked at the words, but I didn't really read any of it. I would flip through the pages and eventually find the shortest chapter and grab a few words off the page- trying to get full. Just as easy as I opened the bible, I closed it. Well I tried, I thought. Maybe I did feel better after reading. I grew up in a Christian home. I knew how to pray, and I knew that if I needed God- that he was always there. But what did I give back to God- nothing. I went to church every time the doors were open- cause I had too. I participated in devotions - because I had too. I prayed because- I had too. If it did not benefit me- I didn't do it. I faked the part of a Christian girl. I went to church willingly- cause I liked a boy in my Sunday School class.
Now grown up- I realize how blessed I was- how blessed I am.
God protected me all those years- he protects me now.
I open the bible now, and every word touches me- grabs me and wont let go.
How can I read his word, and still fail- still sin- still fall.
I have wasted so much time- time that I could have spent building his kingdom, but too busy worrying about me, or things that concern me.
How mighty is our God. How patient is our God. How blessed are we that proclaim his name.
He is so worthy to be praised. I will lift up his name.
As I tucked in my boys tonight- I thanked God- Thanked him for an uneventful day. One with no injuries- bad notes from school- trouble with friends.
Did I make a difference today in someones life? Did someone see Jesus in me.
I don't know.
I met a women at the nail salon- her husband was in the unit where I worked recently. Did I make a difference in her life- letting her see Jesus in me?
I helped one of the teachers today. Did I share Jesus with her? Or did I watch the clock and pray that the time on the clock would speed up.
Why is it so hard, to share what I know- what I learn in my daily bible reading.
Am I too busy- I sometimes cram bible reading in- like I am reading cliff notes before a book report. Just give me the basics- just to pass the test.
Is that what I want to do- just enough to get into heaven- as long as I am there right?
That thought stings my soul.
I have so much and I give so little.
Father- Give me a glance with your eyes- let me see what you see. How you could come to earth, just because- just because you loved me first.
Let me show your love through my actions and words. Let my words be few, but my actions be many for you.
And let your name be praised.
I want to be an awesome fruit bearing branch,