Wednesday, June 15, 2011

counterfeit christian........................

Sometimes life can feel like you are hitting a brick wall.



It only takes a second and I forget who I am......
God wants us to be the CHANGE we want to see in the world............so why have I allowed the world to change me? I become affected with whoever and whomever I am with. I forget so quickly who God says I am. 
I just can't get it....get the fact that everyone is watching. It is almost like a dog that you can't keep in a fence. You do everything you can to protect that new puppy. You add to your already existing fence to try to keep the dog in so that he will not be hurt by being run over by a car or get lost or stolen. 
  God does this with us. He gives us boundaries to stay within and He has done everything to keep us inside of those boundaries but every time we think He is not looking we bust right out of that fence into the WORLD and start worshipping our own golden calf. 

We are the broken......the world is the broken...............and when we are the broken.........are we being the seen.....seen by Jesus?
A broken and humble heart God will not despise....Psalm 50:20
and Jesus........Jesus is the grace............the abundant grace that runs deep............deep into our veins........the kind that pumps the blood.............the blood of the one true sacrifice........what must we do Lord.........drink your very blood?
We want a transfusion...........the kind that only the "great physician," can give.

Are we placing our minds before the mirror of eternity?

      We here are the spiritually starving? Whispering more please...........more of your grace.
But do we really want the grace?  For all my yearnings for grace, longing for it and even begging for it-
what is the truth?.......the truth of it all? What if the truth is preferring the empty? Maybe is the me with my me-ism that enjoys the darkness.........maybe the reason I continue to do the things that I say I don't want to do is because I am the fake...........the pretend kind of Christian........the one who screams for the easy.........the one who claims that I want the Jesus more than the anything.  It is me that is the always testing.........testing Him who is the eternal.........testing Him into the now!
It feels like I eat but I am still the hungry; I drink and I still thirst.  What is it that I really want?
I am suddenly feeling it................feeling the storms of life slapping me in the face. The old me returns....and the new me the one in Christ lays dormant........in fear........becoming the frightened. And it is then that I sink....sink to that low..........that lets the old me resurrect.
I am the knee deep in a river...................searching............searching for the water..........the living water and I find it...........but I don't drink from it.......why?






 God blesses those whose heart is pure......for they will see God.(Matthew 5:8)
The tears that continue to fall.....................I am the lost..............begging to be the found. But do I really want to see............see the WELL that is right in front of me.   I must want to see it to drink from it?
    Sometimes it's the me wearing my anger like armor................but only to hide my fear. And it's the me who is continuing to ache........aching for the only one who can quench my thirst.
      I don't like the old me............wanting to become the someone else. Learning..........learning to express my gratitude in all things; ( thanks to Ann Voskamp).  I am the slow kind of learner. Wanting to take my eyes off me and my circumstances and put them on the KING.
     When will I ever get it? knowing I am in the fight for my life.............fighting for the JOY that only God can provide. Learning that the fight for JOY will be God's GLORY in the end.

all of grace,
Robbie

humbly whispering thanks today for;
Ann Voskamp (who through her words of wisdom is teaching me to count the ugly as grace; and helping me to find God in every moment)
dishes piled the high
toothpaste on the mirrors
the closets that need cleaning
for our precious Belarus child that arrives this evening
clean clothes that are not folded
the dogs that need a bath
the phone that never stops ringing
for the mother who calls and prays
for the husband who loves me even when the old me resurrects