Tuesday, May 17, 2011

the unanswered questions are the ones we don't always answered

Lately, I have been faced with many different situations at work that make me question...how? why? what were they thinking?  what was going on? what do I say?
I could think of a thousand things that rush through my mind as a nurse sometimes when I am faced with the craziness around me.  I don't always have the right answers or right words to say and I long for them sometimes.
As I cared for a sick woman, struggling with lung cancer, I realized...I can do nothing for her at this point except pray...but the difference in our religion stood between me wanting to reach out.  I don't know why we think that just because someone doesn't believe exactly as we do that we can't reach out.  I did today.  I thought how badly I wanted to share my God's love with her, but wasn't sure how it would be received, if it would be received at all. 
But, as I held her hand I knew in an instant that I have a gift that was worth sharing, no matter how well it was received from the other party. 
I am very respectful of others and their beliefs.  I am not pushy, and in fact, I am sometimes the total opposite.  I hold onto that gift sometimes...maybe so that I have it all for myself?  I don't know.
But, today, I wanted to share.  So, as I held her hand, I asked, "can I pray with you?" and just as I have experienced many times before, she said, "yes". 
So, we prayed for God to come, heal, deliver peace, calm the anxiety that was overtaking her thoughts, and to just be Him. 
You see, God is more than we can imagine.  Just Him being who He is...is more than enough to want to share what it is He is.
God loves the ones that are different.  He sees the future of those that do not call Him Savior yet.  He knows the path that they will take, and He hurts for those who hurt.
Thinking back on all of the reasons that I went into nursing I am reminded over and over that "I am right where God wants me at for this moment".
There was a call the other night of a young man who had been found "down" from a suicidal attempt.  The age of this child overwhelmed me to the point of tears.  These are the situations that I cannot comprehend in my tiny little brain, and I want to run so far from nursing so that I don't have to know the details of what happened.  So many times we hear almost "too much" about circumstances and we build walls to protect the hurt that otherwise would flood in.  But, that night the walls crumbled down and all I could think was that this was someones child, and as a mother, my heart broke.
I don't understand everything that we do sometimes and what it is that keeps us doing it.  The pain that surrounds our job can be overwhelming and hard to swallow.  The questions that we want answered so many times seem to not get answered more than they do get answered. 
But, I cannot worry with the unanswered questions...because frankly, I am not sure if I would want to know all of the answers.
I just have to remind myself that "I am here for a reason".  God made us to bring light into a dark world and we have that opportunity almost everyday that we walk into our workplace.  Robbie, Amy, and myself have been blessed over the years to share in other's pain, hurt, loss, and joy...and we know that it is times like these mentioned that keeps us where we are at.
I pray for God's hand of mercy and love for all of the families and patients that we are able to serve everyday.  Sometimes hurt is not seen from the outward appearance and it takes God's discernment to recognize it.  I pray for God to use us in the situations that are most challenging and that our eyes are open to the surroundings so that we can bring that Light. Lord, thank you for feelings, for the ability to touch and hold a hurting hand, for a future that holds far more than what I can physically see on this earth, for patients that need and for providing me with the ability to give. 
Not all questions are answered, but I am not so sure I need to know all of the answers...I just need to trust that you have them.