Monday, September 20, 2010

The Ocean.....................

We are so much like the disciples. We are ready to die for Jesus one day and then forsake him and run from him the next. It is so easy for us to loose our focus on Jesus!!!
It is like we are on a roller coaster ride. One day we are on fire for him and the next day we are lukewarm for him. Why? Why do we as Christians do this? Is it this thing called life that we allow to sweep us away and busy us with the things of this world? The sad truth is that we the "church" have adopted the valves and principles of this world. There are things of unholiness in our hearts......ex. self-control, eating, spending habits etc. Caring about the impressions that we make on others and caring so little about pleasing God. We all have idols in our lives that take the place of time we could be spending with God. So why? Why do we put him on the back burner of our lives? Is this our sacrifice we are offering to Jesus? Are we offering Him the first fruit of our labors? Can we give him our everything without keeping a portion for ourselves? What are our motives, and what is our attitude when we are giving to him? Is it only to make us feel good about ourselves and our walk with God? Only so others will notice? It's like I am waving a red flag; "Look at me; Look at me.....anybody? See what I have done? Have we taken our eyes off of the eternal and placed them on our own circumstances?
I know I have had my eyes on my own circumstances lately. I have felt sadness these last few weeks. I can't explain the changes that are taking place inside of me. I am wanting to go deeper with God. I want to stop standing at the ocean and only getting my feet wet. It is comforting to stand at the ocean with only your feet in watching the water rush over your toes. But God wants more than our toes in the water. He wants us to be able to dive into the deep part of the ocean where the unknown is. You might not be able to see your feet in the deeper parts of the ocean. It can be dark in some spots of the water and who knows what is swimming around waiting to devour you. This fear of the unknown has kept me from swimming in the ocean. I am happy sitting in a chair with my feet in the water where it is safe....
My relationship mimics this with God. I am sitting on the shore where it is safe, not willing to let go and trust Him..... We must step off the shores leaving the safety nets and dive deep where the unknown lies. This is where you will find the fruits of your labor. This is what God is looking for in his relationship with you. An amazing trust where you walk in Faith!!!! Not keeping any portion for yourself. This is where your true worship comes in. This is where you start to learn the character of God... God becomes your only comforter, your only source of survival. He becomes your everything. This is where God can sit back and watch you flex your spiritual muscle by choosing to believe Him!!!!! You trust Him...You walk in Faith wherever the Father takes you even if its in the deepest part of the Ocean. You are willing to go!
In these last few weeks I have realized how hard it is to go deeper with God and maintain the relationships that you had in your life before you found God. People don't understand why you are putting your trust in God. Some people place their trust in other people and things, stuff they can touch and see. To them I seem weird, strange or even crazy. They even look at most Christian's as hypocrites. It is a lonely place to be sometimes.
I think it would be so much easier just to move to a town where no-one knows the old me. Sometimes I dream of moving to a place where the people I meet instantly know that I love God. The different masks and costumes I have worn through the years are completely worn out. I have to admit that I have hung onto them longer than I ever thought I would. I want so badly to get rid of them forever, I just don't know how!!! Trying to figure that out. Life can be funny sometimes.. I will just continue to praise God and thank Him that He is long suffering and that His love never fails.
I am praying that I become totally satisfied with Christ! Wanting so badly for my identity to be wrapped completely in Him. Praying for a new heart one that God has completed, you know that thing where He purifies us....ouch, I know its going to hurt (a lot of cob webs in mine). Hoping to be released and freed to love, and free to live in God's fullness..........