Monday, April 26, 2010

I watched a man dying of cancer last night. He struggled to breath. All alone in a strange hospital room. And all he wanted to do was get up and go home. All he wanted was to be at home in his own comfortable environment with his familiar surroundings so that he could spend the last few days and minutes where he was comfortable. Yet, we struggled to put him and keep him in a bed in a cold, dark hospital room. I sat at the side of his bed and held his hand and watched him for what seemed like an eternity and asked, "Why? Why does he have to go like this?" What a way to spend your last few minutes of time on this earth. He was scared, alone, and all he had was us in those moments. All I could do was whisper, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus". Over and over I whispered, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus". It was the only thing that brought peace into such a confusing, hurting, struggling, and angry environment.
We don't always understand why things occur as they do. We don't always like to watch people go the way that they go, but we have to remember that our ways, our thoughts, our ideas are not like God's. There is a reason and a season for everything, and we just have to trust that He has it all in control.
Sometimes we want to feel good. We want to be happy. We want things to work the way that WE want them to work.
And, sometimes God wants them to work the way He has planned for them to work, and He plants us in those places, in that place of uncomfortableness so that He can use us in those last moments, and we have to take our eyes off of the situation, off of what would make it more "ideal" for us at the time, and off of the chaos that is around us, and see how we can continue to show that love of Christ even to the very end to a dying person, who is taking some of his last breaths on this earth.
He said at one point that "it shouldn't be like this", and all I could respond to that was, "No, it shouldn't".
I don't have an answer to the "why", the one question that seems to be asked more than the others. But I do know how to love. I do know how to hold a dying man's hand and whisper the most precious name of all. I have been equipped by God to bring peace to an unpeaceful situation.
We don't always have to go the extreme to be used by God. Sometimes it is the simple action of speaking the most beautiful name on earth that brings a chaotic room to complete peace.

God is circling the Yahweh Sisters with looking beyond ourselves, looking past to the depths of comfort and likeness. He is showing each of us, with totally different situations, how to love and how to share His love with others. Because we can have the Lord in our hearts, but are we reflecting His love? It's not the good, sweet, Christian people that need to feel and see His love. But the dying, hurting, poor and needy ones that need to see His love and know He is there with them in those last few minutes.
I know that God is my God. I know that when I die, I will meet the Father and rejoice with the angels in heaven. I know that I will stand with the Father one day, but as I sat there last night and looked into the eyes of someone that was about to experience this personally, I thought, "wow, we will be in two different environments, but right now we are together and if I am the last face that he sees I pray that he sees God and feels His love before he stands before him and truly gets to see God and know His love."
Lord, help me with my actions, with my words, with my attitude that rises up so often in stressful situations. Help me to not get caught up in the chaotic, stressful environment, and forget why I am placed in every situation of my life. I want to be your hands, your feet, your eyes, your voice. I want to truly be able to be a glimpse of You on earth.
See, you don't know me, but I can be a very hard and abrupt person, and for years I have prayed for God to soften me and make me one of those kind, compassionate, sweet spirited Christians. I have to die to the fleshly personality of wanting to rise up and control situations A LOT. I struggle in this area. And, just as we all do, I find myself doing so good, and then I start to slip back into that hardness little by little until one day I am in the full blown, down right mean person again. We have to be careful. The devil will stick his pinky toe in the door and if we are not careful, he will have it kicked wide open and will be prancing right on in the room and find himself a recliner to sit in and kick his feet up, making himself right at home. Let's slam the door shut on his toe before this happens. Get accountability partners in whatever area that you need them in. We have to stay righteous in this unrighteous world.
Find at least one person this week to go above and beyond for and show the love of Christ to them. Look for the one that noone else wants to reach. Look for the person at the grocery store or at the mall that looks like they need "something" at that moment. Ask God to show you that person and to show you how to be used. You never know what impact you may have on an individuals life. Let's love like He loves.
God bless you this week
I am praying for God to open doors for us all to walk through that are uncomfortable and a bit challenging.
(hey, my mother-in-law is coming into town so I know the door that I have to walk through already) (JUST KIDDING...I love my mother-in-law).

Share His love
Be His hand
Be His light
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus....There's just something about that name.